New Project: Day 1+

New Project: Day 1+
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

The new year is just around the corner and I started thinking, "Hey, why don't I turn our house into a crap-hole every year at this same time?" I am one day into what I hope is a long weekend project to install wood floors. Myself. Seriously. As of 8:14 pm (Pacific Time), I have removed all of the carpet, pad and original 1958 tile. I also have 30 cases of tounge-and-groove flooring. Currently, I am married. I'll fill you in after the true project starts.

California Class

California Class
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Rachelle and I aren't going to be headed back to Omaha for Christmas this year (something about the airlines wanting "lots of money" for a ticket), so we're celebrating quietly in Orangevale. I was in line at Trader Joe's yesterday picking up Christmas "supplies", i.e., booze, and I saw this really interesting display. Little 4-packs of champagne in a can. The truly interesting part was that the canned champagne was from a decent Napa winery. Even from a decent winery, I was a little hesitant until the woman in line ahead of me mentioned that the cans came with their own individual bendy-straw. A grown-up juice box. Sweet! While it was very strange to be drinking champagne out of a can and through a straw, I would have to say it was pretty decent stuff. Fun, too.

All for now. I need to hit the mall for some last minute shopping. HA! Screw that. Anybody who doesn't already have a present is getting cash. Whatever I can find in the change jar. Or I'll be wrapping cans of soup/beans. Ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas!

Not Working...

Not Working...
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Don't people work anymore? I'm sitting in It's A Grind at 10:00 this morning and the place is jammed. I'm actually taking a vacation day. These people look like they live here. About a 50/50 mix of dudes who look like they're working and slack-ass students from the community college up the road. I may just be getting old (OK, there's no "may" about it), but I don't think I would have enjoyed a $4 cup of coffe when I was that age. $4 was a good dinner out at Taco Bell. I truly miss those $0.49 tacos. Damn, that sounds tasty!

Rachelle had her office Christmas/holiday party at Carmelita's in Fair Oaks last night. It was her second day at the new job so it was a little strange. By the time we were seated for dinner I had actually spent more time talking to her boss than she had. I had to make sure I was on my best behavior. No talk about crazy families, no talk about Bo's "issues", no rants of any kind. And a strict two-margarita limit. Oddly enough, the company picked up the tab for the whole thing. My office party is going to consist of a meat & cheese platter from Costco in the conference room. No margaritas.

Christmas Grilling

Christmas Grilling
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

December 3. December. And I'm grilling on the patio. Meanwhile, where I grew up (Omaha), today's high was 23 with a crap-ton of snow. I'm not sure I made the right choice in moving.

Not Too Tasty...

Not Too Tasty...
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So I was invited to a baby shower for a woman in our office this afternoon. I'd never been to a baby shower before (I'm a dude), but I was promised cake. Imagine my confusion when I went to the conference room and saw a cake that was made completely out of (new & unused) diapers. Cute, but I'm a fat pig and was expecting cake. With frosting. Fortunately, this was just a decorative thing that apparently is part of the baby shower thing. Whatever. As long as there was going to be REAL cake served, too. Anyway, there's a reason guys don't usually get invited to baby showers. Lots of cute little baby things, no electronics, no tools, no small talk about sports, no beer. And waaaaay too much talk about how babies are born. Ooof. I prefer not to think about things like that. I'm much more comfortable with the stork concept.

On to the movie review for this week. If you haven't rented "Mr. & Mrs. Smith", DON'T. Lots of promise, little follow-through. I had high hopes going in; hot hit-man/woman, Vince Vaughn as comedic relief, explosions, fighting, etc. There was only about 30 minutes of actual entertainment in a 1:52 movie. And it wasn't all lumped together. Slooooooooow pace. If you happen to catch it on HBO at 3:00 in the morning when you can't sleep, enjoy. Otherwise, take it off your Netflix queue.

Goin' back to Cali...

Kansas City International Airport
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

The day after the Thanksgiving feast was pretty good. We loaded the kids up in the mini-van and headed to the Plaza for lunch and shopping. Always a fun experience to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving. Anyway, we ended up cutting the shopping short and hit the Kona Grill for lunch. I decided to get some sushi for an appetizer and my oldest niece seemed very interested. I'm still not sure she understood the concept of "raw fish", but she was truly intrigued by the chopsticks. I was more than a little offended that she didn't want to use the same end of the chopsticks that I had. This from the same little girl who doesn't mind sharing her food/silverware with the dogs. I guess Duke and Jamie are more "immediate" family.

This picture shows just one more reason I'm not moving back to the mid-west in the near future. I don't think there are a whole lot of tornado shelters at the Sacramento airport. For a semi-major metropolitan area, Kansas City has a truly podunk airport. It's nice and clean, but there is only one (1) lounge, and it's outside security. What kind of crap is that? That can seriously cut into your airport drinking time if you have to worry about making it through security. Not that Dad, Sheila and I didn't give it our best shot.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ooops.
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Made a quick trip to Kansas City for Thanksgiving. My sister was making her first turkey dinner and I didn't want to miss out. These were the centerpieces, made by Hannah and Shelby. Alas, the centerpieces didn't last past the holiday weekend. One of the Mr. Potato Heads ended up as the star in a modified game of "hot potato" in the back yard. The modified part was Shelby throwing the potato as far as she could and one of the dogs chasing it. Poor Mr. Potato Head.

Are You Ready For Some Football?

Are You Ready For Some Football?
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I've spent a lot of nights in a lot of bars, but the Powerhouse in Folsom is the only place where you are guaranteed a chick in a bikini for Monday Night Football. "Denise" is there for the half-time putting contest (don't ask) and she's collecting names and phone numbers for some sort of "raffle". Personally, I think she's some sort of spy for the Department of Homeland Security collecting information on how many degenerate drunk losers are available for the draft if "needed". It's usually just me and Ken on Monday night but we managed to talk the girls into joining us tonight. We promised them pizza. FYI, Chicago Fire has the best pizza in Folsom and they deliver to the Powerhouse. They're actually connected and there's a special phone that you call your order in from. Kind of like the bat-phone. Anyway, pizza was good, beer service was marginal but we'll probably be back next week. They have the best hi-def TV I've ever seen. And there will probably be a bikini-clad chick.

Champagne + O.J. = Tasty!

Brunch @ the Balcony Bistro
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Greetings from balmy Orangevale, CA. This picture doesn't do much to show my very expensive dental work (think "pimp my grill" suburban-style; white, straight and a complete absence of flash), but it does show the wonders of Northern California weather. It also shows that I'm bald, but I'm blaming that on the poor lighting. Damn sun. Today is November 20th, 5 days before Thanksgiving, and we were having brunch on the patio is short sleeves. Drinking monster, bottomless mimosas. On the way back to the car after another great meal at the Balcony Bistro, Rachelle saw that we had missed the Folsom Winterfest yesterday. Damn! I'm finding it's really hard to get in the mood for a "winter" party when it's sunny and 72. I know there are people who say they'd miss a place where the seasons change, blah, blah, blah. People who say that have either never lived someplace with good weather or they've just moved to the place with the crappy weather and it's still "neat". Screw that. I've lived in those places. I remember keeping a snow shovel in the trunk of my car so I could dig myself out after work. I remember clearing the snow off the driveway just to find half an inch if ice that needed to be chipped off. Ahhh, the memories! If I want to re-live my mid-western youth, I can always drive to Tahoe. Or I could get a snow-globe. Whatever.

Eau de Toilet

Eau de Toilet
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

It was our fifth anniversary yesterday, so Rachelle and I decided to head down to San Francisco. We both checked Yahoo! weather before we left and the forecast was sunny and mid-60's. Hmmm. Note the umbrella in the picture ($2.99 from a shop in Chinatown). Not really "sunny" per se, but still a great day in the city. First stop, after the $6/hour parking spot, was the Buena Vista for Irish Coffee. If you ever get a chance to visit S.F., make sure you hit the Buena Vista. It's supposed to be the first place in the U.S. to make and serve Irish Coffee, and watching the bartender make it is part of the fun. And the drink rocks. After lunch at a great little place in North Beach (Trattoria Volare), we figured we'd better head back fairly early to beat the Friday traffic out of town. Too late. Apparently, there is no good time to beat the traffic. Anyway, we made it back to Orangevale in time for Bo's dinner, which made him really happy. I'd like to say he missed us, but he was only interested in dinner. And his after dinner treat. Pretty shallow. Once Bo was taken care of, I took Rachelle out for a nice dinner to show my appreciation for her agreeing to marry me. I'd like to put a plug in for the Balcony Bistro in Old Folsom. This place has only been open for a couple of months, and they only have one waiter and about twelve tables, but the chef doesn't seem to have a bad recipe in his cookbook. I would definitely recommend the crab cake appetizer, but I couldn't even begin to tell you what entree to pick. Everything we've had there is outstanding, and it's nothing you will find in any other restaurant in the Sacramento area. Also, the waiter told us that the mimosa's during brunch on the weekend includes free refills. Sweet! All in all, a good anniversary. Five down, forty-five to go. I figure if I make it to our fiftieth, Rachelle will be too senile to cut me loose. Or I'll be too senile to know. Works for me.

Workin' Hard or Hardly Workin'?

Workin' Hard or Hardly Workin'?
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

It's been another wicked-long day at the office. My conference call started at 8:00 and lasted until almost 10:00. Brutal! AND there were no donuts. There actually were donuts, but they were left over from Friday and I wasn't feeling that brave. At least I still had some Halloween candy on my desk. Trick or treat!

Bottoms Up

Bottoms Up
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Got my tiny airplane drink. Tasty. And some peanuts. I love Southwest.

Vegas, baby!

Vegas, baby!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Ahhh, the glamour of business travel. Rental-car shuttles, hours of waiting in the crap-ass Vegas airport, what's not to love. The trip started out well enough. When I tried to check in at my original hotel the desk clerk got a weird look on her face and disappeared for 5 minutes. I was getting worried that somebody had booked my room with a stolen credit card. Turns out, my room wasn't available. Wouldn't BE available this trip. Not good. Until she appologized and offered to comp my night at the Four Seasons. OK. If she was going to insist. My room at the Four Seasons was bigger than my first apartment. Hell, it was bigger than any apartment I ever lived in. And cleaner. Ten years of travelling to Vegas and I had never been propositioned by a "working girl" until I was in the elevator headed back to my room last night. I actually shouldn't assume they were pro's, but one was wearing a skirt shorter than my underwear and they asked if I "wanted to party". Probably pro's. That kind of crap never happened at the Howard Johnson. Needless to say, I politely declined. They probably wouldn't have been happy with the $65.75 I won at the slots. Actually, this wasn't a bad trip. The only reason I'm so cranky right now is the Vegas airport only seems to have one functioning lounge and it's jammed. Bastards. Oh,well. I can always get a tiny drink on the flight home.

Wheeling Bridge

Wheeling Bridge
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Wheeling, West Virginia. Population: 29,891. Rachelle and I just got back from a wedding/reception back East. My love of Southwest Airlines was sorely tested by this trip. My "direct" flight (direct is supposed to mean you don't get off the damn plane) didn't turn out to be so "direct". We were doing just fine until Chicago. As we were landing, the flight attendants were telling the through passengers (us) to stay seated so they could get a count. Once we landed, the plane apparently developed "mechanical problems" and we had to de-plane. Seems the mechanical problems weren't bad enough that our plane wasn't sent to a different city with a different crew and different passengers. I guess the mechanical problems only affected flights to Pittsburgh. Anyway, we ended up delayed for two and a half hours which (you would think) would give the ground crew enough time to transfer our luggage. You would be wrong. Whatever. We finally got our luggage 15 hours later. After we called and explained that we were in WHEELING, not MORGANTOWN. Easy mistake. They're both in West Virginia.

This is a picture of Rachelle on the Wheeling Bridge, which is the first suspension bridge ever built in the U.S. I've got all sorts of Wheeling trivia after my trip to the visitor center. Something about George Washington, steamboats, blah, blah, blah. The wedding was actually in Mingo Junction, Ohio, but apparently there aren't a whole lot of hotels there, so we stayed in Wheeling. Where there is a hotel. There wasn't much to Mingo Junction, but I'd love to have that on my return address labels. "The Mingo took my baby". It's actually a really pretty area. Don't think I could ever relocate there, but I really enjoyed my weekend. Living in California you forget there are actual "seasons". Late October in Orangevale is still in the 70's/80's. Late October in Nothern West Virginia topped out at 49 on Friday. That's pretty much what I expect in the dead of January. Brutal. Anyway, Rachelle's family was great, no major drama at the wedding, no fights, nobody spilled beer on the D.J.'s equipment, open bar. Rock on.

Genius!

Genius!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Took Mom & Grandma out to a bar for dinner last night. Neither of them drink, but Rachelle and I are members at Yager's which means we get 10% off every purchase. Rock on. Anyway, we actually ate in the "restaurant" portion of the place. I was never even remotely interested in eating anyplace other than the "bar", but I may never go back. It's a little hard to tell from this picture, but hanging over several of the tables is a brass pole directly over a bucket. Couldn't figure out what this damn thing was for. Waaaaaay too skinny for pole dancing. Turns out that if you pull the chain, water comes out like a sink faucet. Far too friggin' cool. I want one for my dining room table. I'd never use a fork again. Everything's a finger food when there's a sink at the table. Ribs? No problem. Wings? Bring 'em on. Pudding? Finger licken' good! So, aside from the great beer selection, Yager's has some of the best fish & chips I've had since I left Omaha. Nothing beats the Dundee Dell, but these are close. And did I mention the cool water things at the tables? Quiet night after this. Busy day today. More tomorrow.

YesterFest

YesterFest
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Busy, busy day in the Sacramento Valley. Rachelle and I started the day out by walking to Historic Folsom to watch the YesterFest parade. I'm not quite sure what a "YesterFest" is, but it appears to be an excuse for people to break out their finest frontier-wear and coonskin caps. Anyway, it was a very small parade, but fairly entertaining. I'm not sure if we enjoyed the parade more or the fact that there didn't seem to be any advance notice that the roads would be closed. Motorcycle cops rolled up about five minutes before the parade was supposed to start and blocked off the main street through Folsom. Boy-Doggie, there were some irate drivers. I can only imagine the foul language that would be filling the cab of my truck if I got stuck watching the VFW, Boy Scouts, an antique fire truck, a group of people dressed like it was 1849 and a Well's Fargo stagecoach march on by while I'm trying to get to Home Depot/Costco/wherever. But it was a hell of a lot of fun thinking about those drivers as I stood in the middle of the street. Today also marked the start of light-rail service connecting Folsom with downtown Sacramento. Limited service, but it's a start. It seems that the light-rail service to Folsom will only run until 6:34pm. I thought that was a little strange, so I asked one of the (many) RT cops on the train why the schedule was so limited. His understanding was that the fine people of Folsom didn't want any "undesirables", i.e., "poor people" to be haning around town after dark. Nice. They were giving away free cake and ice cream at the YesterFest, but the lines were too long so we grabbed a couple of free all-day passes to ride and headed downtown for lunch. After about three minutes on the light-rail I had a better understanding of (and was much more in agreement with) the decision to limit the train schedule. It's not so much that I don't want the "undesireables" in Folsom, I'd just rather not subject the rest of Sacramento to some of the boobs from Folsom. All in all, aside from the slight delays and sub-zero temperatures on the light-rail, it was a good day. B+.

"Left Turn, Clyde"

"Left Turn, Clyde"
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So, Bo and I took a ride to Trader Joe's for some $2-$5 wine the other day. Taking a blind dog for a ride can be a little difficult, but he really likes the truck. He also likes to ride in your lap with his head out the window, which is a little difficult when you're driving a stick. And there's not much better than a shedding dog on a hot day in a truck with vinyl seats. Lots of static. It's especially great if you forget you took the shedding dog for a ride and wear dark pants to work the next day. Oh, well. At least the drool wipes up easy.

I've decided to put my Netflix rotation on the blog. Rachelle was concerned that some of my selections might make me look like a loser. I explained that since the only people who read this are Ken, Mark and Brian (and the occasional family member), they're pretty much already hip to the fact that I am a loser. Regardless of whether I watch the entire Rings trilogy in a weekend. Sweet! Anyway, I'll be posting on what I think was worth putting in the queue and what would have been better sent back unopened. High gas prices and general laziness = lots of time to sit in my La-Z-Boy and watch movies.

Orangevale RFD

Orangevale Feed Store
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

This is a fake horse that sits (stands) out in front of a feed store near my house. Twenty-five years in Nebraska and I never lived near a feed store. Anyway, they dress the horse up in different outfits, depending on the season. Halloween he gets a witches hat and cape. Christmas he gets a beard and Santa hat. Bunny ears for Easter. I have no earthly idea what this season is, though. Straw hat, sunglasses and some sore of brightly colored shirt. Fiesta time? Whatever. Viva Orangevale.

Reason # 1,034...

In-n-Out
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

...that I love living in California. Nothing better than a double-double with fresh-cut fries and a diet Coke (otherwise known as a #1). In-N-Out is one of the finest burger chains in the greater Cal/Neva area. Their genius lies in the fact that they make nothing but burgers. No chicken sandwiches. No nuggets. No salads. Just burgers. But that doesn't mean there is no variety. In addition to the regular hamburger, you can get a double-double (2 patties, 2 slices of cheese), a 3X3 (3 patties, 3 slices of cheese), a 4X4 (you get the idea). There is also a "secret menu" of different ways you can have the burger(s) prepared. My favorite is "Animal Style". It's like a regular burger but the patty is cooked in mustard. Mmmmm! Now if they only made breakfast.

Party!

fwd: Party!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So, today was the bi-annual member's-only party at Yager's in Folsom. Sadly enough, Rachelle and I are both "members" at Yager's. The member's party involves all the beer you can drink (between 11 and 3), mini-corndogs and pizza-puffs. Rock on. The PBR on tap was a surprise. The reason Rachelle and I really like Yager's is they have a great selection of beers on tap. To be fair, the PBR was only one of the choices we had today, and the others rocked. Not to say the PBR wasn't interesting. Several people mentioned that PBR is best served in a plastic cup or through a beer-bong. So true. Nothing else much has been going on out here. Pretty much work and TV. And biking. I bought a new bike a couple of months ago and I had forgotten how much I really enjoyed riding. I went out for a short ride last weekend to test out my new cyclometer and ended up riding 25+ miles. Not an extremely long ride, but long enough for my lazy ass to hurt for several days. Speaking of my lazy ass, I spent several hours cleaning the garage yesterday. Part of that involved taking three bundles of cellulose insulation I had left over and spreading them (by hand) through the attic. Not so much of a problem if you could actually stand in the attic, but it's basically a crawl space with about 3 feet of clearance and nothing to stand on but the cross-beams. Lots of crouching on my tip-toes. At least it got me out of going to the gym. Too tired. Enough for now. I've got plenty of TiVo to watch tonight. Lots of new shows, lots of old shows. Should be a good Sunday.

Apocalypse Sacramento

Apocalypse Sacramento
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

For those of you who don't listen to talk radio, you might not be aware that California is going to be the next spot for an apocalyptic natural disaster. The reasoning for this seems to be that THE ATHEIST AMERICA-HATING LIBERALS ARE DESTROYING THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE AND OPENING THE DOOR TO POLYGAMY, GROUP MARRIAGE AND BESTIALLITY BY SANCTIONING THE ABOMINATION OF GAY MARRIAGE, and GOD IS GOING TO SMITE THE UNBELIEVERS LIKE HE DID IN SRI LANKA AND NEW ORLEANS. Or something like that. But louder. I've been reading about AB 849 in the paper and listening to the talking-heads discuss the pro's and con's of gay marriage and I can't even begin to see how a couple of dudes or chicks getting married will effect me in the slightest, which is my barometer for whether something is a "good thing", a "bad thing", or a "couldn't give a rat's ass less thing". Could be a little simplistic (and selfish), but if something benefits me, it's a "good thing". If something causes me harm, discomfort or annoyance, it's a "bad thing". If something is going to have no impact on my life in any way, shape or form, that would fall under the category of "couldn't give a rat's ass less thing", which is where I currently see gay marriage. I'm not gay, have no plans on becoming gay, and am already happily married. Even if this whole thing is a slippery-slope and ends up with polygymy being legal, I still don't see how that's going to effect me. I had enough trouble finding one woman to marry me without having to worry about finding another one willling to put up with my "eccentricities", i.e., "crap". Anyway, I would think that all of these people protesting outside the Capitol would be glad that these gay couples could be getting married. According to one sign I saw, "queers and fornicators" aren't going to heaven, so there should be more room for these bigots and their bull-horns. Of course they'll all be dressing like crap and have no idea what color drapes would match best with their puce wallpaper, but that's a price they seem willing to pay. Anyway, I hope this isn't the last post I am able to write before God sends a lightning bolt through the head of every registered Democrat in California. I have so much more to say.

Gaslamp Strip Club

Strip Club
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I just found my new favorite restaurant in San Diego. Rachelle and I were walking through the Gaslamp district and I saw a sign for the "Gaslamp Strip Club". Needless to say, I was intrigued. Turns out the "strip" part had nothing to do with naked women and everything to do with steak, as in "New York Strip". I've read about these kinds of restaurants before, but I've never actually seen one. The menu has a great selection of steaks and kabobs, and the kick is you get to cook them yourself on one of several communal grills. Surprisingly fun. Of course, there is no discount involved just because you do all the cooking, and the hour-long wait in the lounge drinking (very good) martinis can make it difficult to remember just how long the steaks have been cooking. Whatever. Pour on a little more Lea & Perrins, order another dirty martini and suck it up. All in all, I'd have to give it an "A". More about San Diego tomorrow. Lots of stuff packed into two short days and I need my beauty sleep. Seriously.

Surf's Up!

State Fair
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Well, not exactly "surf", but I did go to the surfing display at the California State Fair last night. I love living in a place that gears their entire State Fair around surfing, surf music and surf movies. And lots and lots of fried stuff. In addition to the standard deep-fried corn dogs and fried dough, you can also get fried Reese's, fried Oreos, fried Snickers, fried Milky Way, fried Twinkies, etc. Basically, if it's already bad for you the fine people at the fair will batter it and fry it for you. Friggin' nasty and friggin' tasty all at the same time. Also, new this year for the health-conscious and/or vegan, they are offering deep-fried avocados. I'm just waiting for them to come out with some deep-fried bacon-on-a-stick next year. Despite the wonderful smells, I was able to avoid most of the fried food last night and all of the $7 beers. I refuse to pay $7 for a beer that I can get 12 of for the same price at the corner convenience store. It might be a different story if they were offering good beer, but it's basically Bud and Miller products. All in all, I'd have to say the people watching at the Fair has been pretty poor this year. There is usually a freak-show quality to the attendees, but not so much this year. Either that or I'm it. Whatever.

I'm even more confident now that we traded the X-terra in just in time. Gas has now crossed the $3 barrier here in Sacramento and the SUV was just sucking it down. It would have cost Rachelle about $6 a day just commuting to work every day, and we live fairly close to her office. The xA is friggin' tiny, but it gets great mileage. AND you can trick it out with a neon package, rims, thumpin' system, hydraulics, etc. As soon as I can explain to Rachelle why that would be a good idea. Could take a while.

Wine Festival

Wine Festival
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Rachelle and I hit the 2nd Annual Sacramento Wine and Art Festival yesterday. Nothing better than drinking a lot of wine outside in Sacramento in August. With temperatures hitting 100+ in the shade, not a lot of heavy red wines going down easy. Lots and lots of chardonnay. Not exactly my favorite, but I'd already paid my $20 and I was going to get my money's worth. The wine and art fest was a two-part event for us. Since I painted an accent wall in the living room last week (too much HGTV), Rachelle and I finally decided that four years with nothing on the walls was too much and we thought we might be able to find some good art. Or some bad art that looked better after many, many, many tastings of wine. Did I mention that we took light-rail down so we wouldn't have to moderate our tastings? Anyhoo, no art that reached out and grabbed me. Some really nice pictures, but nothing I felt like hauling back on the light-rail. And lots of really crappy crafts. Even with the heat and lack of fine art for my wall, the wine fest was the good part of my day. I let Rachelle talk me into joining her for a spin class at the gym. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of "spinning", the fine folks at the gym have managed to take a fun and enjoyable activity, i.e., riding a bike, and sucked all of the fun and enjoyable parts out of it, leaving nothing but the sweat, discomfort and exercise. It's like taking another of my favorite things, i.e., cold beer, and removing all the good things about it, like the taste, fizzy sensation and friendly buzz, leaving nothing but the hangover and swollen beer gut. Anyway, the far-too-cheerful spin instructor fires up a thumping soundtrack of bad music (at 9:00 on a Saturday morning), turns off the lights and starts shouting out instructions. "We're going up hill now! Pedal, pedal, pedal! Now we're sprinting!" No, we're sitting in the friggin' dark riding stationary bikes. I made it a grand total of 22 minutes out of an hour class. Possibly the most boring thing I've ever done at the gym. It makes the treadmill seem exciting. I spent the rest of the hour working on my lats, gluts, delts, and biceps. I think. I'm not really sure what any of those are, but every muscle I have is still burning 36 hours later. Ouch.

Salt Lake City

SLC FD
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So I made my first real trip to Salt Lake City this week and I'd have to say I was pleasantly surprised. Not only was I able to get plenty of caffeinated beverages, I had to choose between two brew-pubs about three blocks apart. Since I'm a little fat and a lot lazy (and since I had found a great hiking trail earlier in the day), I picked the one closest to my parking space. If you ever make it to SLC, make sure to try the half-pound BBQ buffalo burger paired with either the Full Suspension Pale Ale or the Provo Girl Pilsner at Squatter's. Or you could do what I did and have both. Whatever. On the way back to my car, I was a little concerned that two beers were one-and-a-half too many when I saw this fire truck driving by. Any city that will paint flames down the sides of their fire trucks is pretty friggin' cool. I wonder if the police cars have hydraulics and spinners? To continue the strange crap to be found in SLC, at every cross-walk there is a bucket of bright orange flags. Apparently, you are supposed to grab a flag on one side and wave it around as you cross the street to make yourself more visible. In California that might make you a "target", but in Salt Lake people apparently stop for you. Weird. All in all, cool city to visit, probably too clean and nice to actually live there. I'll give it a B+.

Bob

Bob
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Greetings from Bob Hope Airport in beautiful downtown Burbank! Actually, I'm not sure Burbank has a downtown and the city ain't that pretty, but it's my favorite L.A. area airport. It's one of the few airports in a major American city that doesn't have jetways. They basically roll steps up to the front and rear doors and you have to walk across the tarmac to the terminal. You get the feel of travelling to a third-world country without the inconvenience of learning a new language or actually leaving California. And it's named after one of the greatest entertainers of the early-to-mid 20th Century. He did get a little creepy later on, but that's not the point. Between Bob Hope Airport in Burbank and John Wayne Airport in Orange County, I'm curious to see what they re-name LAX in 20 years. I've got some suggestions that I'm thinking of sending to the L.A. airport authority: "Mel Gibson International Airport and Cathedral", "Nick Nolte Airport, Pharmacy & Rehab" and (my favorite) "Holy Shit I Can't Believe Pauly Shore Got Famous Enough To Get An Aiport Named After Him International". I'll be giving odds. Anyway, I caught the early flight down and made it back to Sacramento by 7:00. Not a bad day. I've got to hit Salt Lake City tomorrow. Don't have good feelings about the bar scene in Utah. I wasn't even sure I'd be able to coffee for my workshop in the SLC, but things are looking good there. A Medicare meeting without coffee could get really, really ugly. I'll try to get pictures.

Speedy

Speedy
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Rachelle and I rode our bikes to Folsom for dinner tonight. It's a 10 minute ride to Old Folsom and a 30 minute ride/walk home. Basically the difference between "downhill" and "uphill". And the two beers at Q'bole. And the Mexican food. Damn, I'm getting hungry again.

We decided to ride our bikes because it was Thursday Night Market and there is no friggin' place to park. I'm not quite sure why it's so crowded up there because there's nothing even remotely interesting to do. It's three blocks of booths filled with crappy crafts and free chiropractic evaluations. There is one massage booth, but I don't think they offer a "happy ending". Unless you're in the market for used Aloha shirts, henna tattoos or incense, there ain't much for you. Still, it's better than sitting at home watching re-runs of Fear Factor.

Anyway, the ride/push back up the hill was a blast. And it's a lot harder to fall off the bike on the slippery gravel and rocks if you're already walking.

1-800-PET MEDS

1-800-PET MEDS
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So, Bo's order from 1-800-PET-MEDS came today. You'd think a company that shipped nothing but crap for pets would know better than to put friggin' TREATS in the same friggin' box as the beef-flavored heartworm pills. Geniuses. That said, I really dig the whole on-line ordering for Bo's meds, and they are great about sending reminder e-mails when it's time for a new order. Otherwise, Bo might have heartworms. Whatever those are. I'm guessing they're not good.

I picked up a new suit at the Brook's Brothers outlet this week. I was leaning towards the seersucker but I couldn't think of where I could wear it, outside of a Matlock convention. They also had a great pair of red shorts with blue embroidered lobsters on them, but Rachelle wouldn't let me get them. For $10, I could have found someplace to wear them. The outlet mall near our house is pretty sweet. I was there this weekend with Ken and Shelly and we hit the Bebe store. I was not aware that strippers had their own outlet shop. Nothing bigger than a size 2, and nothing that would look out of place in any of your sleazier strip clubs. Even better, most of the people shopping there would have found better selections at the "Big & Tall" store. That and the biker chick at the Nike store with the short, short denim skirt and no underwear. Unfortunately, she also should have been shopping at the "Big & Tall" store. Mostly the "Big" store.

Off to Seattle for work tomorrow. It should be a quick trip, and it will be great to be out of the heat here. 101 in Orangevale vs. 75 in Seattle. Hmmmm. Considering it's been at or near 100 in Sacramento for @ 6 weeks, I'll take the 75. Hope to send pictures from my new Treo 650.

S.S. RELIEF (#136)

S.S. RELIEF (#136)
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Bo had a vet appointment this morning (no fun for either party) so I decided I might as well take the whole day off and hit the lake with the kayak again. One of my favorite landmarks on the river is the S.S. Relief, but I've never actually stopped there. The S.S. Relief is a floating Port-O-John. I was pretty sure that the S.S. Relief wasn't just a hole leading to the river, but I had no first-hand knowledge. In the interest of science, and because I'd had several large glasses of water for lunch, I tied the kayak off and boarded the S.S. Relief. After a quick investigation (it is a floating crapper with limited ventilation and Sacramento hit 104 today), I can say that I'm 51.9% certain that the waste doesn't actually hit the water. Not that I'd trust it enough to do any swimming downstream, but the water's too friggin' cold for that anyway. And I saw fish in there today. I prefer pool water to water that actually has "things" in it. In other news, it looks like our heat wave might be breaking one day too late. I left my thongs (flip-flops, not swim suit) on the patio yesterday and they melted. Fortunately, they were just my yard thongs and not my dress thongs. Yes, there is actually such a thing as "dress" thongs. At least in California there is. There are also several different categories of shorts and sunglasses for every occasion. I love California.

American River

American River
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Just a little something to prove that I don't sit on my ass in the La-Z-Boy drinking beer every weekend. At least not all day. Rachelle and I took the kayaks out to the American River this afternoon. It was supposed to hit 104, so we thought a day on the water would be better than roasting in the house. The American River picks up a lot of the snow melt from the Sierras, so the water is friggin' cold all through the summer. Makes it a great place to ride out the Sacramento summers. The red kayak in the picture used to be mine. Maximum weight limit is 200 pounds. Hmmmm. I can technically still use that one, but I wouldn't be able to carry the cooler, anchor or beach towels. Hell, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to carry the car keys. Or wear clothes. And the park rangers really frown on naked kayaking. Trust me. Anyway, just around the bend to the right is Folsom Prison. Beautiful setting for a prison. From the outside at least. I'm guessing the inside is a little less pleasant. Enough writing for now. I have an 8:30 appointment with a cold beer and my La-Z-Boy.

Welcome to Orangevale

More Crap
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

ENTIRE MESSAGE REDACTED DUE TO SENSITIVE MATERIAL INVOLVED

..and these are the Days of Our Lives.

Sanford & Son, Part 2
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

ENTIRE MESSAGE REDACTED DUE TO SENSITIVE MATERIAL INVOLVED

Sanford & Son, Orangevale Style

Sanford & Son
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

ENTIRE MESSAGE REDACTED DUE TO SENSITIVE MATERIAL INVOLVED

Crate & Barrel Sucks

Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Not exactly a great picture, but I was too annoyed to take the time to find my digital camera. What you're looking at is my new dining room table from Crate & Barrel. It doesn't look much like a table because it didn't actually come with "instructions". Lots of pieces, but no idea how to make them look like a table. I called the store where I bought it and they weren't exactly helpful. Something about, "Ummm, let me have somebody call you back". Sure. Not being too patient, I called C&B's 800 number. The instructions aren't available on-line, but they offered to fax them too me. Great. I guess I need to get a fax machine for all the times I get something from C&B that (probably) won't come with instructions. I guess they haven't heard of the "internet". Needless to say, C&B got a nasty e-mail from me. I'll probably be barred from shopping there ever again. So sad. Oh, well. I wasn't planning on eating anytime soon anyway. UPDATE: Somebody at the C&B store in Roseville said they would leave the instructions for Rachelle to pick up on her way home from work. Fortunately, Rachelle decided to open the envelope and saw that she had page 1 of 2. They hadn't bothered to print page 2. The page that actually tells you how to connect the base to the table top. Bastards.

Combine Rides

Combine Rides
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Possibly the highlight of my country vacation. Rachelle's Uncle Bill was giving us a tour of the farm, answering my stupid city-boy questions (fyi, combines don't get "miles per gallon"; something about "not driving miles"), when he asked if I wanted to go for a ride. I said, "Do pigs crap in the hog barn?" (yes, but it falls through gaps in the floor to a retaining tank and the pigs don't have to wallow in it) and off we went. Riding in a combine is like taking a two story house for a ride in the park. I'm pretty sure this particular combine was bigger than my first apartment, and the engine compartment is big enough to walk around in. Standing up. If I didn't get spooked by small towns, and if I had a "work ethic", I think I'd enjoy being a farmer. At least the harvesting part. The rest seems kind of hard and complicated. That and the fact that the only plants I've managed to keep alive in my yard are, technically, weeds. Oh, well. I'll always have the memories.

Vacation on the Hog Farm

Vacation on the Hog Farm
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Rachelle and I just got back from a week visiting her family in New Hampton, Iowa. You know, up in the northeastern part of the state, between Charles City and Spillville. Her uncle has several hundred acres of soy beans and corn, but I was mostly interested in the hog raising operation. He just had a new, state of the art hog barn built (not pictured here; this is the old fashioned hog yard) that holds 1200 pigs. Seriously, 1200 pigs in one barn. And there were another 2800 or so scattered in other barns and pens. Speaking of which, I wish I'd known what a pig-pen looked like when I was living with my mom. All that talk about my room looking like a pig-pen was a load of crap. The pigs are much cleaner. Anyway, it seems that there is much, much more to farming than putting some seeds in the ground and waiting for them to grow. And Bill didn't seem to impressed with my one (1) ear of corn that grew in my backyard last year. Not a good crop in Orangevale. More pictures will follow showing the different parts of the farm. Stay tuned...

"Book 'em, Danno"

"Book 'em, Danno"
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I'm pretty sure these guys weren't real cops. Either that or they were really bad undercover cops working on a tight budget.

Six-Pack

If I could only find 5 friends we could hook up with these guys to make up a 12-pack for next year. Or I could just go naked, paint myself silver and call myself a keg.

7.45 Mile "Race"

7.45 Mile "Race"
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

2005 Bay to Breakers run in San Francisco. You've got to love any "race" that has more keg-stands per mile than actual "runners". Out of the 60,000+ participants in the race, my guess is about 40 people actually run for time. Everybody else is just out for a nice walk. It's like an informal 7.45 mile parade. With drunks and nudity. Exactly my kind of event. This was the third year Rachelle and I have made the effort to get up early in the morning, generally after a fairly late night wandering the city, and participated in the run. We are seriously considering costumes of some sort next year. In addition to the multiple tiki bars that always make the trip (full service rolling bars with generators to run the blenders; these guys take their racing seriously), there were multiple pirate ships, loads of Waldo's, guys in drag, Pipi's Longstocking, Harlem Globetrotters and lots of things I couldn't quite figure out. A few of my personal favorites were the bathroom float (complete with guy sitting on the can drinking beer and reading the paper), the "Michael Jackson Child Care" float and the six guys dressed as a six-pack of beer. That said, my overall favorite was probably the two naked chicks who were covered in body paint to look like a Van Gogh. But it has nothing to do with the fact they were naked. I'm just an art lover. I'll post a couple of the less risque pictures on the blog for your viewing pleasure. Or mine, since I don't think anybody but Ken ever visits, and I already e-mailed him some of the best. Enjoy.

Rachelle's Tiny New Car

Rachelle's Tiny New Car
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

After careful consideration, Rachelle finally decided to get rid of the Xterra. Basically because gas is upwards of $2.50 a gallon and the Nissan goes through gas like I go through cheap beer at happy hour. The Scion xA is quite tiny, but I don't think it "technically" qualifies as a clown car. It's actually pretty roomy inside. Plenty of leg and head room in the front seat, and I don't plan on sitting in the back. And it's supposed to get @ 31/38 mpg. I just wish she would have gotten one with flames painted down the sides. Bitchin'!

Remember...

Just got back from San Antonio for my annual guy's weekend. I believe the Alamo is as much "culture" as Texas offers, but we spent most of our time at the many fine Tex-Mex restaurants, bars, cantinas, etc. This is the closest half of us got to seeing the Alamo (drive-by tourism). The other half didn't even make it this far. And we stayed within walking distance of the place. Even though I enjoyed myself for the three days, there is no way I could ever live in Texas. Ever. Seriously, never. We were at a piano bar on Saturday and they started playing Lee Greenwood's "Proud to be an American". Some guy climbed on top of the pianos and held up an American flag and another guy shined a huge flashlight on it. This continued on through "God Bless America" and "The Star Spangled Banner". I'm fine with patriotism, but I don't necessarily think it needs to be a part of my Saturday night entertainment. Actually that describes Texas pretty well: blind patriotism and liquor.

San Antonio

Jeffy in a poncho. It gets cold in Texas.

Spring Flowers

Rachelle and I went to Table Mountain this weekend to look at the Spring flowers. Nobody told us that it was going to be friggin' cold and windy this late in March. If you look closely, I believe Rachelle's smile is frozen on and her hands are still thawing out. That said, the flowers were really pretty and the 40 mph wind gusts kept the crowds to a minimum. And we were still able to have our traditional Easter brunch at the Wendy's. Nothing says "tradition" like a number 6 with no lettuce. I would have let her Biggie-Size it, but it wasn't that special an occasion. At least I let her get her own fries.

Pull the Plug

After watching the exhaustive "news" coverage of the Terry Schiavo story, I want to make it clear to all of my friends and family: I DO NOT WANT TO EXIST IN A PERMANENT VEGATATIVE STATE. Of course, not a lot of my friends and family look at this blog, but I'm covering my bases. I am also completely disgusted by the turd-piles that pass for elected officials in this country. I don't want some bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking, pandering politician deciding whether I'm living a quality life or not. I'd rather leave that to my wife after she finds me after I "accidentally" slip in the tub. I'll start worrying when she starts shopping for a new boat. Or when I start finding my stuff on e-bay. Short story: no tubes, no plugs, no extraordinary measures. And no friggin' politicians.

Moral Dilema

Is it wrong to hate thy neighbor? Especially if he's actually a really nice guy who just happens to make you feel really lame? I was out hauling my crap to the curb for dump day (seriously, hang on for a description of "dump day") and I started talking to my neighbor, Dave. He was doing something to his Chevy Suburban, but it wasn't anything that looked familiar to me, i.e., hosing the bird crap off the hood or emptying the Diet Coke cans out of the bed. Turns out he was removing the gas tank to replace the fuel pump. Crappers. I'm about 85% sure I could find the gas tank on my truck and 100% freakin' sure that I would never be able to remove it/fix it/replace it. Ever. And there's about a 75% chance that I'd blow myself, and the adjacent 5 houses, up in the process.

Back to "dump day". Orangevale is really still a small town with a large population. Once (or twice) a year, the county sends trucks around to all the neighborhoods to pick up any crap that wouldn't normally go in the trash, like appliances, tree stumps, lawn mowers, etc. It's actually a great time. Everybody hauls their crap to the curb and then sits around waiting for the scavengers. You literally can't turn your back before somebody's scoping out your stuff and picking out the "good" things. This year, I had a stack of rotted, mildewed, cracked landscaping timbers piled out front. They were there when I left for work, gone when I came home. I can't even begin to imagine what somebody would want with those, but they went pretty quick. Not as fast as my living room lamps, though. I finished hauling the rest of my crap to the street after work today. I get into the house and look out the window to see my neighbor (William, not Dave) grabbing two table lamps from my crap pile. Sweet. I keep checking the pile to see what's left. At last count, somebody had taken the broken floor fan, broken lawn mower and rusted trash can. I think I'll assign a point value to everything next year and make a game out of it. Maybe Rachelle and I can create brackets like the NCAA's to see who picks the order everything gets scavenged in. Might make it a drinking game. It's a thought.

Mi Casa

I'm seriously re-thinking my decision to move to California. Growing up in Nebraska, I never had to worry about mowing the lawn in March. Or February. Or any time between October and May or June. The 12-month growing season out here can be a real pain in the ass. On the plus side, I did get to buy a new lawn-mower today. And I got to use my Milwaukee Sawz-All to cut up some stuff in the back yard. Not enough fun to balance out all the manual labor, but it helps.

The county has a dump-day once (supposed to be twice, but who's counting) a year where everybody hauls all of their useless crap to the curb and the dump-trucks come to pick it up. That's assuming anything is left after the scavengers come by at night for all the "good" stuff. The notice we get actually says that nobody's supposed to take your stuff but the trash guys, but I couldn't care less who nabs my crap. I had an entire living room set out on the curb one year that lasted just long enough for me to get back in the house. I heard a car pull up and looked out the window to see a guy loading my 7-foot couch on top of his soft-top Jeep. At least it went to a good home. I don't have anything nearly that good this year, but my guess is 90% of whatever I put out there is gone before the trucks get here.

Apple Sucks

I'm really annoyed with Apple right now. I bought a 20GB ipod last month to replace my original 5GB model. Not that I really needed much more space for my music. As Rachelle said, 1985 isn't going anywhere, but I like new toys. I contemplated getting the 40GB ipod photo, but I couldn't justify the $499 price tag. Imagine my suprise when I turn on the news this morning and their talking about the new 30GB ipod photo for $349. $50 more than I had paid for the plain 20GB model less than a month ago. Needless to say, Apple got a nasty e-mail. They don't seem to care, though. And I still like my new ipod. It plays all of the 80's hit (and misses) with beautiful sound. I can't wait until that new Love and Rockets CD comes out.

Finished Kitchen, Part 2

The other side of the kitchen. The refrigerator is the only thing left that we started with, and we would have gotten rid of that if a new one weren't so friggin' expensive. Besides, the ice-cube maker is finally hooked up. Only three and a half years after we bought it. The gas range rocks. I turned each of the 5 burners on multiple times last night. And the oven. Both get hot. Sweet! Haven't used the microwave yet, but the fan and light seem to work, and having it above the range frees up a ton o' counter space. Now that it's all done, I just have to wait for Rachelle to come home Friday so we can start putting stuff away.

Finished Kitchen, Part 1

The remodel is done. For now. We still have things we want to do, but I think we need a little break. Sure, Kevin did all the hard work, but he had a working bathroom and kitchen to go home to every night. Bo and I went to Trader Joe's to get wine for the wine rack, but I managed to stay away from the Two-Buck Chuck. Every bottle in the rack cost at least $2.99, and some as much as $5.99. Purchased for looks, not necessarily for taste. The new ultra-quiet dishwasher is running as I write this and I can actually hear the keyboard clicking. The old dishwasher sounded like a cross between a weed-whacker and a leaf blower. And a fire hose. This one isn't quite silent, but it's very nice.

Almost Finished Kitchen

It's soooo close to being done. The cabinets finally came in the day I originally expected them. They were actually delivered yesterday, but there were cracks on the edges so they had to fabricate new ones. The only things left to finish are the dishwasher, faucet and plumbing. Then, finito. I will be able to use my kitchen again. I'd love to actually make something for dinner tonight, but I don't want to get the new range dirty. At least until Rachelle gets a chance to see it looking pretty and new. I think we are done with major projects for now. Too much stress. Of course, the remaining projects we have won't leave us without a bathroom or kitchen. I can live without being able to use the living room for a while. As long as the TV in the front room works.

Rachelle's Company Car

Rachelle's got to go out of town next week for a training class, so her company sent her home on Friday in a stylin' Ford Taurus with "SureWest" on the doors. Looks really good parked in front of the house. Unfortunately, Medicare doesn't offer company cars.

Finished Floor

The floor is finally in. Kevin is installing the half-bath toilet and putting the washer/dryer back in as I type this. Things are moving right along. The finish work on the cabinets should be done on Monday, counter tops on Tuesday and the sink and appliances are all done by Wednesday. I've actually gotten kind of used to having the refrigerator right behind my La-Z-Boy, though. A lot further to walk for a cold beer. Oh, well. At least the kitchen will be pretty. UPDATE: Kevin just told me the counter tops should be in Monday instead of Tuesday. Sweet!

Kitchen Floor: No Grout

My kitchen floor is mostly in. They got a late start on laying the tile today because they had to pull up the tile I had put down in the laundry room. The tile guy said those type of tiles usually come up really easily, but it took the contractor several hours to pry them loose. Probably had something to do with the half-ass way they were put down in the first place. They really need to be specific when they say "apply a thin layer of adhesive". It really would have been better if I had actually known what they meant by "thin". Considering it took several weeks to properly dry, I'm guessing I used too much. Anyway, most of the tile is in and the grout should be in tomorrow. Looking almost like a kitchen again.