Sunny SoCal

Sunny SoCal
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

My flight to Orange County was delayed, putting me in L.A. at 4:30pm. For those of you unfamiliar with L.A. traffic, it's never really good. At 4:30, it's really, really bad. At 4:30 and in the pouring rain, it truly blows. Two hours from John Wayne to my hotel in Buena Park. Usually takes me about 30 minutes. At least the beers in the lounge are poured in liters. Cheers!

Final Four, Baby!

Final Four, Baby!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

OK, so I "went" to George Mason for a short time in the late 80's. Didn't get a lot of so-called "credits", but I do have lots of good memories. OK, not "lots", but I do remember living in the temporary dorms on top of the hill. Patriot Village. They were trailers. Double-wides. With skirts. Sweet! Anyway, those were the good ol' days. I had hair, weighed a buck fifty and had no idea I was such a loser. Shocking, considering what I looked like. You would have thought I was well aware that I was a true loser. Nope. Eighteen years later and things are much better. I'm bald, fat and I am uncomfortably aware of my loser-ness. And I couldn't care less. Go Patriots!

I Need AAA

I Need AAA
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So I'm cruising down the freeway at about 70 miles an hour when I notice a slight wobble in the Ranger. After cutting across three lanes of traffic (also cruising at 70 mph), I'm finally able to pull over to the shoulder to find out that the tire was 100% friggin' flat. Time to pull out the owner's manual and figure out where the spare is (answer: it's under the bed hanging from a wire cable). Cool. Now how do you get it out? Back to the owner's manual. Twenty minutes and a lot of swearing later, Rachelle and I were on our way. I've got to give Ford some credit here. I drive a bare-bones Ranger: courier white, vinyl seats, 5-speed manual, AM/FM radio, no floor mats. The only "frill" I have is air-conditioning. That said, I have a full-size spare tire. With air. Sweet!

'Bama Grub

'Bama Grub
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Since I'm a cheap-ass bastard, and because the airlines make no sense, I flew into Birmingham and drove to Atlanta for my fantasy baseball draft. Heading back after a long weekend of drinking beer, eating pizza and drafting demoted/deported/traded players, I needed a place to re-fuel. Fortunately, the Magic City Grille was just the place. $6.99 got me an all-you-can-eat Southern meal. Everything in the South seems to be made with butter. And bacon grease. I could never, never live there, but I could make a couple trips a month for breakfast/lunch/dinner. Tasty!

Tiger Collins

Tiger Collins
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

This is one of the many, many sand traps I hit playing 18 holes at Stone Mountain in Georgia. It was an ugly 18, but a beautiful course. I was in a group with Shrek, Elan and Ron, so I wasn't necessarily the worst golfer on the course. It was at least a tie. Golfing also gave me a chance to walk off some of the Waffle House breakfast. Sadly, we had Waffle House again last night/this morning. Almost got in a fight with somebody who cut in line and grabbed a table we were waiting for. Word of advice: don't get between eight fat men and their grits. You would be amazed at the number of people waiting at the Waffle House at 3:00am. There was a good 20 minute wait for a table, but well worth it. There were also some "interesting" characters next to us. I'm not 100% sure, but I'm pretty sure the guy in the white suite and the table full of skanky looking chicks may have been a pimp. Maybe not, but I remember Huggy Bear and this guy was a dead ringer.

Waffle House - Atlanta

Waffle House - Atlanta
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Post-bar "breakfast" at the Waffle House. I'm feeling sick just looking at it. From left to right: eggs, toast, grits (with butter and sugar), waffle, sausage/hashbrowns. Tasty.

Roseville Rodeo

Roseville Rodeo
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Strange things afoot at the Circle "S". Ken and I were waiting in line for an after-lunch Starbucks when we looked down and noticed spurs. It's not every day you see a chick wearing spurs, much less in Starbucks. Although, if I was in charge of life's central casting/wardrobe, it would have been a really hot chick in a short plaid skirt and the boots wouldn't be caked in horse crap. And she might have turned to me and said how hot she thinks fat, old, bald dudes are. Instead, she was kinda butch and (thankfully) didn't turn around to talk to me. I'm pretty sure she could have kicked my ass, with or without spurs.

United Sucks. Still.

United Sucks. Still.
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Seriously. United has to be one of the worst run airlines in the U.S. I had a message on my phone this morning from corporate travel telling me United had decided to cancel my 8:00pm flight from Denver to Sacramento. They said they couldn't get a crew in to fly the plane. You're telling me they couldn't get a crew in Denver (one of their major hubs) in 12 hours? Worthless. I hope they do go bankrupt. Any airline that can't manage to get you where you're supposed to be going on at least the same day as you're supposed to be there doesn't deserve to stay in business. I wouldn't be so upset if this didn't happen every time I fly United. OK, I'd still be pissed, but I wouldn't feel as justified. Here's hoping I don't get stuck in Denver for as long as the last time United screwed me (3 days). Bastards are getting another angry letter.

UPDATE: United's still not on my "nice" list, but they (so far) are getting me home tonight. Kind of. They managed to get me on a US Airways flight through Phoenix that should get me in at 11:56. Technically, I guess that's still "today".

Snowbound

Snowbound
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I'm in Steamboat Springs, Colorado this week. Beautiful place, but it's friggin' cold. I went in for dinner and came back out 30 minutes later and I had to scrape 2-3 inches of snow off my rental Ford. On the plus side, I'm getting good use out of my Gore-Tex and fleece. Anyway, I'm on my way back to the hotel (bitchin' La Quinta) and I see this place. Damn, I wish California was this civilized. It's such a huge pain in the ass actually getting out of my truck when I need to pick up some liquor. Unfortunately, I had already picked up some beer, Pringles and Hot Tamales. Dinner o' champions.

LASIK

LASIK
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I had LASIK done this afteroon. Not too bad, overall. Things are still a little blurry, but the doc said it should clear up as the blah, blah, blah. I kind of lost track of what she was saying because the Ativan had started to kick in (who'da thunk such a tiny little pill could make you so woozy). Anyway, Rachelle was busily taking notes so I should be fine. As one extra-special bonus, they threw in a pair of shades to put over the plastic things they taped to my face. This picture doesn't capture the true loserness of the situation, but I wanted to have something showing the immediate aftermath. No blood, no drool. I was a little bummed that Rachelle got to watch and I didn't even get a video. That shit would have made the blog! I'll post better pictures later tonight.