"Howdy, Pilgrim!"

I had to fly to Orange County this morning. One of the things I like about coming to the 'O.C.' is John Wayne airport. The place is clean, rental cars are on-site and the lounge has decent beer. And it's not LAX. Whatever. So I'm sitting in the lounge and start thinking the deep thoughts that come along with the two Sam Adams drafts. Do people who fly once or twice a year actually look forward to the whole airport/airplane experience? Pontificating from the depths of the lounge, I tried to pick out anybody who looked like they were actually going someplace for "fun". All I saw were different versions of me. Lots of suits, laptops and briefcases. And not a happy looking face to be found. Bummer.

Anyway, the reason I was in L.A. was I had a meeting at a hospital at 9:00. Lucky for me, I stopped for a soda on the way and was running a little late. One of the "patients" took his shoes off in the lobby and the smell made two employees vomit. I can't imagine what kind of stench could cause two seasoned hospital employees (who are used to some nasty things) to get sick. Just REALLY glad I wasn't there. I caught the tail end and it was a tad funky. Thinking of the doctor who actually had to treat the dude put my whole professional world in perspective. Probably 200 people taking their shoes off near me on the way through security, and nobody was foul enough to cause a mass case of the heebie-jeebies. Also, I have yet to visit a hospital that has a decent bar.

Movie Review: "Smokin' Aces"

Just got back from checking out "Smokin' Aces". Pretty good story, lots of great actors, LOTS of blood and gore. Well done blood and gore, but LOTS of it. And just a dash of gratuitous nudity. (Sidenote: Is cinematic nudity ever truly "gratuitous"? I could find a way to justify nudity in a movie about nuns in a leper colony. Nuns come home after a long day helping the sick, need a hot bath, possibly a massage. Maybe some flash-back sequences to when the really hot, young nun was working as a stripper to pay the bills. You know, before she found god, became a nun, moved to the leper colony. I see this as a Russ Meyer movie, but he's dead. Too bad. He could make this work. Think "Mondo Topless" meets "Supervixens" meets "The Flying Nun".) Anyway, I mostly enjoyed the movie, but would not recommend it to anybody who's the least bit squeamish about blood, shootings, stabbings, etc. Tarantino fan, this might work for you. "Apple Dumpling Gang" fan, not so much.

Bo & Lucy go to Costco...

OK, so they don't actually know they went to Costco, but I don't think they care. All they know is they got to go for a ride and there were treats for everybody. I was looking at this picture and I couldn't believe how big Lucy has gotten. I seem to remember bringing home a little puppy who would hide from Bo under the end table. Now she can't even fit her head under the end table to get her Kong. Still thinks she's a lap-dog, though. I can guaran-freakin'-tee you that La-Z-Boy won't honor their warranty if my chair breaks and they find out a 200-ish pound dude was sitting with his 80-ish pound dog in his lap. Shhhhhh!

Several fancy downtown restaurants are offering a special deal this week, so Rachelle and I decided to load up the xA and give Mason's a shot. Good place, but a very strange crowd/atmoshpere. And I knew I was WAY out of my league when the waiter asked if we wanted water and gave us four choices. I didn't know there were four different types of water. I know "tap" and "bottled". What the hell else is there? I'd have to give the restaurant 4 stars out of 5, but Rachelle said the dessert was the best she'd ever had. Some sort of chocolate volcano cake with ice cream on top. A little too rich for me, but she loved it. Anyway, the only reason I'm mentioning this place is the bathroom. The men's and women's rooms are separated by a floor-to-ceiling glass wall. It's only by the sinks, but it's really distracting. You're standing there washing your hands and you're face-to-face with some chick on the other side. I guarantee that dudes are much more diligent in their hand washing when they know women are watching them. Lots more soap usage than I normally see in the men's room. I'm not 100% sure I'm comfortable with the whole set-up, but I'm sure it gets a lot more interesting as the night goes on. We left around 10:00pm and the fake tits and injected lips were out in full force. Shocking!

Big Girl & Scrappy Dude

So Lucy turned 38 weeks today. Based on my sketchy math, that is actually about 9 1/2 months. Woof. She's 75+ pounds and I can scratch her ears without bending down. Good God, I hope she stops growing soon. I'm not sure Rachelle knew what she was getting into when she said, "So you've got some extra great dane/chocolate lab puppies? Sure, I'd love to take one home!" At least Lucy was the "smallest". FYI, I don't know that I'd recommend a great dane mix for anybody living in a small home. Hell, the lab part ain't so great, either. We went out for New Year's Eve and came home to find Lucy had torn her bed to shreds. Again. We've gone through more beds in the past nine months than we did in Bo's first five years. Speaking of which, January 1st was the fifth anniversary of Bo's adoption. Five years ago last Monday, we drove to the parking lot at the Folsom Petco and slipped Irmgard a check for $100 and took Bo home. It was like a drug deal, but with more fur and slobber. And barking. Life has been nothing but happiness and roses ever since. Ha! OK, so it's been mostly happy, but a lot less "clean" than the pre-pet days.

So Rachelle and I met up with Ken for "Pint Night" at Yager's tonight. $5 for the first pint and you get to keep the glass. Pretty sure it's $3 per pint after that, but I'm a little fuzzy on the true "Pint Night" rules. Regardless, you get a raffle ticket for each pint you drink and you get entered in a drawing for beer-related prizes. Until Ken showed up, Rachelle and I were the only ticket holders and were basically a 100% lock for said beer-related prizes. Bastard! Anyway, worked out OK since I won both an XL Lagunitas Brewing Company t-shirt and two (2) Lagunitas pint glasses. Just what I needed! Too bad Christmas is already over. I smell re-gift!

Happy New Year!

Rachelle and I met up with Ken and Shelley to celebrate New Year 2007. The weird part was we met at 3:30 p.m. Turns out an English pub near us was celebrating the New Year on London time. Sweet! I might not make it all the way to midnight in Cali (hell, I'm damn near 40), but I can sure as shit make it until 4:00 p.m. Free champagne-ish type beverage (calling it "sparkling wine" would even be a stretch), a round of Auld Lang Syne and some decent stout. And home in time to feed the dogs at 6:00. We did hook up again to celebrate the real, American New Year. Hit Sky for sushi and then Sartory for wine and live "music". Music kind of sucked, but it was nice in a laid-back way. I'm waaaay past the days of crowded, loud bars. I really like being able to talk to the people I'm out with. So sue me, I'm 37. Anyway, Happy New Year to everybody reading. I hope you all have a great 2007. I plan to start my new year with a tall stack of pancakes and some really good mimosa's. Maybe. Depends on what time the dogs get me up.

Ski Bunny (Rachelle)

OK, so I last posted a picture of the ski resort we hit a couple of weeks ago in Tahoe. Tahoe's great, but we went to my Dad's surprise birthday party in Salt Lake City and hit the Utah slopes. Much scarier. We spent all day at Sugar Bowl in Tahoe on the bunny slopes. BORING! As I said in my last post, I was tearing up the bunny slope in Tahoe, and I was all ready to hit the blue slopes in Utah. We took the UTA (some sort of Utah mass transit bus) up from a Park & Ride in Salt Lake City for $3. Damn good deal considering the weather. Anyway, we were ready to rip up some pansy-ass Utah slopes after taking on some of the best (?) Tahoe had to offer. Ummm, not so fast. All was good until we actually hit the lift. We got up to the little "Wait" line and waited for the lift to swing around. Still good. Lift scooped us up and started moving us up the hill. A little faster than Sugar Bowl, but still good. I leaned back to pull the safety bar forward... Uh, oh. Not so good! Apparently, Alta doesn't seem to understand the need for "safety bars". Personally, I don't really like the idea of swinging 100 feet off the ground on a slippery vinyl seat in a high wind with blinding snow and 160mm skis strapped to my feet (tiny for a 6'2" dude, but plenty long for a crap-ass skier). There might have been a slightly damp spot on the lift when I slid off, but I'm not saying for sure. We got to the top (thank God) and had to figure out the best way down. My suggestion was to follow the sign that said "EASIEST WAY DOWN". Sounds good to me! Turns out the "easiest way down" wasn't really "easy". There was lots more falling down in Alta that there was in Sugar Bowl. Fortunately, the snow was so fluffy and powdery that I didn't actually get hurt. Cold, yet. Hurt, no. Not even my pride. I know full well that I can't ski, so the "pride" thing wasn't a big issue anyway. Even though the toughest run I took was called "Dipsy Doodle". No shit. Dipsy Doodle was a serious ass-kicker. Whatever. It was so friggin' cold, snowy and windy that we didn't take too many runs down the slope, but I can safely say that I was truly impressed with the Utah slopes. Oh, and we took the wrong bus back down the hill. Turns out we didn't want the #96 bus, we wanted the #95 bus. Soooo close, but the #96 didn't actually go to the Park & Ride where we'd "parked". Ooops. All worked out well, but a little awkward when we had to tell our bus driver (who looked EXACTLY like a clean Danny Bonaduce) that he was taking us to the wrong place.

Ski Bum

Rachelle and I went to Tahoe this weekend for a little early season skiing. Pretty much because some of the resorts offer a "Learn to Ski" package this weekend. $25 gets you two hours of lessons, skis, boots and a lift ticket. That makes it somewhat affordable when you have to add in a night at Wag for Lucy, two dog-sitting sessions for Bo and a rental 4x4 to make it up the hill. Whatever, it's not a bad deal at all, especially considering that of the 20+ people there for the lesson, everybody but me and Rachelle were there for snowboarding. Since apparently everybody already knows how to ski (except me and Rachelle), we got a private lesson. OK, Rachelle already "knows" how to ski, but I've got minimal skills. That said, I didn't fall all day. And I kicked some serious ASS on the Black Bear run. The Black Bear run is the fastest, scariest, baddest portion of the "beginner" slope. "Beginner" being the politically correct term for what used to be called the "Bunny" slope. The actual scarriest part of the beginner slope was the lift. This is the part of the ski park where they put the tiny kids and the big, fat dudes who might be a danger to real skiers. I fit in the big, fat dude category. Pick the White Pine run and you're getting a "hill" in the loosest sense of the word. Anyway, even though the beginner slope was just barely past horizontal, it was a great day on the mountain. If anybody wants to hit a nice ski park where the staff is friendly and the bar is large, give Sugar Bowl a shot. Nobody will even laugh (out loud) at you if you spend all day on the "beginner" slope and you are well into your 30's. A lot of sad head-shakes, but no laughs.

Meltdown

It's 8:00 a.m. on the Tuesday of a three-day holiday week, the week before I have to fly to Austin/Oklahoma City for two workshops, and two very bad work-related things happen. First, the office copier starts making a jet-engine type noise. Not good when I need 120 copies of a 50 page presentation (and 120 copies of about 6 other handouts). Huge pain in the ass, but nothing the Copy & Print Center at Staples can't help me with (3,328 total copies; bitchin'!). The second (and FAR nastier) problem is that my computer crashed this morning. The computer that I normally connect to my projector. So people can actually see my PowerPoint presentation. I called the "help desk" at my Home Office and got all the usual "helpful" suggestions. "Take the battery out and try again". "Take the battery out, unplug it and try again". Didn't work. Shocking. They finally told me they'd send me a new machine and I'd have it by Monday. That would be great if I was going to be in Sacramento on Monday. Unfortunately, I'll be in Texas. Now it's supposed to be shipped to my house on Friday. I've got my fingers crossed.

Anniversary

Anniversary
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Rachelle and I celebrated our 6th anniversary last week. To help commemorate our solemn and glorious Las Vegas wedding, we decided to hit the Indian casino near our house for the buffet. Rock on! We actually could have gone someplace "nice", but the casino really seemed to fit. And it was only $9.99 per person. Drink included. Anyway, to anybody interested in getting married, Vegas is really a pretty good option. Book yourself a package through one of the better hotels and you're set. Pictures (that I wasn't told about), video (ditto) and you are in and out in 30 minutes. Pretty painless. And you can take care of the reception by giving everybody a roll of nickels and sending them towards the slots. Free cocktails for everybody! Thanks for sticking with me for six whole years, Rachelle. Only 30+ to go.

Election Day

Election Day
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Election day today! As you can see, people weren't exactly fighting to get in to vote for their favorite elected/hopeful representative. I heard on the radio that California was expecting a +/- 50% turn-out, and 45% of those had already voted absentee. With all the talk about problems with electronic voting, I was feeling pretty confident that our optical scanners were pretty safe. There's an actual paper ballot that you fill in like a school test and feed through a scanner when you're done. Pretty simple. Problem is they "forgot" to send a power cord for the scanner, so they'll have to "hand count" them later. I see my vote for Charlie Brown getting "lost". Of course they'd have to toss out my Schwartzenneger vote, too. God, I love the political season! Seriously. I'll be glued to the TV all night. Might be some yelling, some swearing. Whatever.

Happy Halloween, Lucy!

Happy Halloween, Lucy!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

OK, so I couldn't resist posting a picture of Lucy in her costume. I don't think she really wanted to dress up as a Fairy Princess, but there weren't a whole lot of costume choices for a chocolate lab/great dane puppy at the $0.99 store. You're looking at $1.98 worth of crazy single-people high-jinks. Lucy and Bo are actually spending the early evening in the back of the truck in the garage. Too much stuff could/would get broken every time the doorbell rang. So far, the bell has only rung twice tonight. 6:28 p.m. PST and we've managed to give away one (1) Tootsie Pop (orange) and one (1) bag of Skittles. Damn kids better start showing up soon or I'm shutting the porch light off, dropping the black-out shades and ripping open mini-packets of Smarties, Twizzlers and Tangy Taffy. Maybe some Starburst. All go really well with a nice Central Coast cabernet sauvignon.

FINAL COUNT: @ 40 kids
Still plenty of swag for me. And Rachelle. And we didn't even have to go door-to-door.

Halloween Party

Halloween Party
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Rachelle and I were invited to a Halloween party this year, so we had to come up with a costume idea. We settled on Howie Mandel (me) and a brief-case bimbo (Rachelle) from "Deal or No Deal". Neither one of us actually watch the show, but it was a really cheap couples costume. It basically involved me shaving my head completely down (a little cold this time of year, even in Sacramento), finding a pair of clip-on earings and drawing in a cheesy goatee. Rachelle had to dress like a hoochie and carry an aluminum briefcase. Cheap, cheap, cheap! We were a little worried that since it's such a BAD game show nobody would recognize who we were supposed to be. Fortunately, it seems lots of people watch really bad game shows.

FYI - In case anybody is worried about Lucy after seeing that nasty picture I took at the vet's, she's completely recovered. I even took a picture of her in her Halloween costume today, but Rachelle thought it would be too embarrassing to post it. For us, not Lucy. Although Lucy seemed less than happy to be dressed up as a Fairy Princess.

Lucy's First Emergency

Lucy's First Emergency
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

...then this morning we end up back at the vet's for Lucy's first emergency visit. We took her to the new dog park and she must have stepped on a bee or a spider or something that caused an alergic reaction. Her face swelled up to twice her normal size. Creepy-looking Halloween dog #2. Both are fine, but the meds seem to be making Lucy a little sleepy. Bo is always sleepy.

Bo's Emergency

Bo's Emergency
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So, Tuesday night we had to take Bo to the vet because Lucy's tail caught him in the eye and caused some inner-occular bleeding (or something like that). Creepy-looking Halloween dog #1...

Perfect Mix

Perfect Mix
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

One of the Auditors in my office brought back a jar of tequila-infused chocolate candies. "Nasty" you say? So you might think. Not true at all! As soon as I opened the lid I got a strong whiff of tequila. A little disturbing at 7:30 a.m., but I was willing to give it a shot. No pun intended. Turns out it was actually good. Not a liquid center like I was afraid of. More like a blended chocolate-tequila nugget. Tasty!

Rainbow Bridge: Sunrise

Rainbow Bridge: Sunrise
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

One of the joys of having a puppy is that I am now exposed to many, many more weekend sunrises than I would have otherwise. Bo would happily get up, eat and go back to bed. The perfect dog. Lucy, on the other hand, wants to get up, eat and PLAY! So I get to get up and play WITH HER! Fun!

Anyway, this weekend I loaded the dogs into the back of the Ranger and went for a ride looking for places to use my new camera. I have probably 1000 pictures of the Rainbow Bridge in Folsom. Basically because it's really close to the house and I like the water/bridge/bird/kayaker combo. I also have probably 1000 pictures of Rachelle, Bo and Lucy, too, but Rachelle doesn't like her picture posted (without serious editorial input) and the pictures of Bo and Lucy tend to be blurred because of all the shenanigans and constant motion. Look for more sunrise pictures this weekend. Unfortunately.

Shooting Report

Turns out the whole shooting thing was really bad for the driver. Guy didn't make it and I'm looking at the car on TV to see if it belongs to one of the neighbors I actually know. I really hope it's not the old guy who does his yardwork in his underwear. The whole "doing yardwork in his underwear" is a bit strange, but he's a nice guy. Can't tell based on what I've seen so far. Apparently, the story is the kid was playing with a loaded gun in the house and it went off, hitting the guy as he drove by. How friggin' unlucky is that? What are the odds? If I hadn't stopped off at home to let the dogs out before I went to the post office, I would have been driving by at the time the gun went off. Damn glad I've got dogs.

"GET BACK IN YOUR HOMES..."

"GET BACK IN YOUR HOMES..."
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

That's what the Sheriff's helicopter was shouting out to the dumb-asses in the neighborhood who were watching the armed stand-off. Fortunately, I was already back home after having taken my pictures and was no longer part of the dumb-ass crowd. I had been 10 minutes earlier, but now I can take the moral high-ground. DUMB-ASSES! LOOKIE-LOOS! GET BACK INSIDE AND GUARD YOUR METH LABS!

Breaking news is that the kid shot a passing motorist by mistake. No word on the status of the driver, but it might not be good. Older guy just driving by. Bummer. Really bad news for the kid, too.

Orangevale S.W.A.T.

Orangevale S.W.A.T.
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So I'm heading to the post office to cancel my mail-hold and I get turned away at a police barricade. Not sure what's happening, but this particular cop (in shorts) had his riot gun pointed toward a house on the corner. Two blocks from my house. Probably really good for property values. This picture was actually taken on my second trip down the block. I tried to get a picture with my phone, but I needed a longer lens. Back home for my digital SLR. Now the helicopter's circling overhead telling everbody to get back in their houses and lock the doors.

UPDATE: Just getting word via KCRA Channel 3 that S.W.A.T. has taken a 14-year-old into custody for an "accidental discharge of a weapon" and the wounding of a motorist. Yikes! I was two minutes from driving past there. More later as additional details emerge. Film at 11:00

Boot-Scootin' in K.C.

Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

OK, so this picture shows both the good and the (very) bad of midwest living. The good part is that it doesn't seem as if restaurants are afraid of being too politically incorrect. My first clue that I was in K.C. and not Sacramento was the waitresses in the low-cut, ass-huggin' jeans and the midriff-baring halter tops. My second clue was when my waitress came up and said, "HI! I'm going to be your whiskey-girl tonight!". Damn, I've never had my very own whiskey-girl. Food was so-so, but I was grubbin' down on my burger and fries when some guy called the whiskey-girls to the dance floor. Apparently, they get together every 20 minutes or so to shake and jiggle around to a bad mix of country and AC/DC. My whiskey-girl was supposed to be getting my Mason jar full of beer, but I was cool with waiting.

An example of the bad part of midwest living is the dude in the blue shirt. Waaaaay too many trips to "Toby Keith's I (heart) This Bar & Grill". Sad part is, of the four guys at the table, he's the one to most likely be called "Slim".

Anyway, I hope they serve breakfast.