Puppy for Bo?

Puppy for Bo?
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

One of Rachelle's co-workers has a batch of brand new puppies. The father is a Chocolate Lab and the mother is a Great Dane. These are going to be some "interesting" looking dogs. I'm in the process of trying to talk Rachelle into getting a friend for Bo. Sadly, I'm thinking it might be easier to get Rachelle to agree to a puppy than it will be to convince Bo. He's not really cool with other dogs, and I can't imagine he'd dig a puppy that could interfere with his nap time. FYI, "nap time" is basically the 23.5 hours a day that aren't breakfast, dinner or treat time. I know puppies are a huge pain, and I just spent a lot of time and effort putting in new flooring, but they're so damn cute! Maybe. There are twelve to choose from. Maybe we can find one that Bo and Rachelle both like.

CHiPs

CHiPs
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Had a meeting downtown today and it was actually nice enough to wander around during lunch. I moseyed on over to the Capitol to see if I could catch Governor Arnold speechifyin' on the steps, but no such luck. Aside from two of the CHP's finest, all I saw were dozens of people enjoying the clear skies. For those of you not fortunate (?) enough to live in California, you might be surprised to hear that we are used to good weather. This year we're about ready to float away. I've got my kayaks tied up to the palm tree in my front yard just in case Rachelle, Bo and I need to make a break for it.

Open Mic Night

Open Mic Night
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

The first Friday of the month is Open Mic Night at It's a Grind. Definitely a weird vibe, a freaky crowd and a diverse mix of talent. I've got to say that I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the music at a small coffee shop on a Friday night. Not a Phoebe in sight ("Smelly cat, smelly cat..."). The overall trend seemed to be that the chicks had decent voices but couldn't play guitar for crap, and the dudes could rock but they were somewhat tuneless vocally. My favorite was the Jesus-looking dude with the jailhouse tats on his knuckles. Not a great voice, but he could rock on the guitar. I'm trying to talk Rachelle into practicing our version of "When The Saints Come Marching In" for next month. I can play a mean harmonica and Rachelle can jam out on the acoustic guitar. OK, everything I play on the harmonica sounds exactly the same, but Rachelle can actually play something recognizable as a "song". It's a forgiving crowd.

Bulk Bees: Please, NO SAMPLING!

Bulk Bees
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I've found a store I dislike almost as much as Wal-Mart. I say "almost" because they do have one thing I really do like. The bulk food aisle. I know what you're thinking, "Bulk-food is nasty and disgusting; a buffet with plastic bags and twisties". True, but WinCo has added a twist to the usual bulk crap. Honey that is being made while you wait.

Bulk Bees: NO SAMPLES
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Bitchin'! They've got live bees making honey inside the bulk bins. The only thing between you and a swarm of angry bees is a redneck with a screwdriver (and since it's WinCo, you're never more than 5 feet from an authentic Orangevale redneck). Adds a little thrill of the hunt to grocery shopping. I especially like the warning signs on the front. Pretty much a challenge to said rednecks. Other than the bees and the walk-in beer cooler, I'd have to say I'm not impressed with the WinCo. Narrow aisles, confusing layout and way too many freaky people. It's kind of like going to the fair, but you can go every day. 24-hours a day. Seven days a week. Truly scary. I'll let you know how the honey tastes.

Sunny SoCal

Sunny SoCal
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

My flight to Orange County was delayed, putting me in L.A. at 4:30pm. For those of you unfamiliar with L.A. traffic, it's never really good. At 4:30, it's really, really bad. At 4:30 and in the pouring rain, it truly blows. Two hours from John Wayne to my hotel in Buena Park. Usually takes me about 30 minutes. At least the beers in the lounge are poured in liters. Cheers!

Final Four, Baby!

Final Four, Baby!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

OK, so I "went" to George Mason for a short time in the late 80's. Didn't get a lot of so-called "credits", but I do have lots of good memories. OK, not "lots", but I do remember living in the temporary dorms on top of the hill. Patriot Village. They were trailers. Double-wides. With skirts. Sweet! Anyway, those were the good ol' days. I had hair, weighed a buck fifty and had no idea I was such a loser. Shocking, considering what I looked like. You would have thought I was well aware that I was a true loser. Nope. Eighteen years later and things are much better. I'm bald, fat and I am uncomfortably aware of my loser-ness. And I couldn't care less. Go Patriots!

I Need AAA

I Need AAA
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So I'm cruising down the freeway at about 70 miles an hour when I notice a slight wobble in the Ranger. After cutting across three lanes of traffic (also cruising at 70 mph), I'm finally able to pull over to the shoulder to find out that the tire was 100% friggin' flat. Time to pull out the owner's manual and figure out where the spare is (answer: it's under the bed hanging from a wire cable). Cool. Now how do you get it out? Back to the owner's manual. Twenty minutes and a lot of swearing later, Rachelle and I were on our way. I've got to give Ford some credit here. I drive a bare-bones Ranger: courier white, vinyl seats, 5-speed manual, AM/FM radio, no floor mats. The only "frill" I have is air-conditioning. That said, I have a full-size spare tire. With air. Sweet!

'Bama Grub

'Bama Grub
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Since I'm a cheap-ass bastard, and because the airlines make no sense, I flew into Birmingham and drove to Atlanta for my fantasy baseball draft. Heading back after a long weekend of drinking beer, eating pizza and drafting demoted/deported/traded players, I needed a place to re-fuel. Fortunately, the Magic City Grille was just the place. $6.99 got me an all-you-can-eat Southern meal. Everything in the South seems to be made with butter. And bacon grease. I could never, never live there, but I could make a couple trips a month for breakfast/lunch/dinner. Tasty!

Tiger Collins

Tiger Collins
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

This is one of the many, many sand traps I hit playing 18 holes at Stone Mountain in Georgia. It was an ugly 18, but a beautiful course. I was in a group with Shrek, Elan and Ron, so I wasn't necessarily the worst golfer on the course. It was at least a tie. Golfing also gave me a chance to walk off some of the Waffle House breakfast. Sadly, we had Waffle House again last night/this morning. Almost got in a fight with somebody who cut in line and grabbed a table we were waiting for. Word of advice: don't get between eight fat men and their grits. You would be amazed at the number of people waiting at the Waffle House at 3:00am. There was a good 20 minute wait for a table, but well worth it. There were also some "interesting" characters next to us. I'm not 100% sure, but I'm pretty sure the guy in the white suite and the table full of skanky looking chicks may have been a pimp. Maybe not, but I remember Huggy Bear and this guy was a dead ringer.

Waffle House - Atlanta

Waffle House - Atlanta
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Post-bar "breakfast" at the Waffle House. I'm feeling sick just looking at it. From left to right: eggs, toast, grits (with butter and sugar), waffle, sausage/hashbrowns. Tasty.

Roseville Rodeo

Roseville Rodeo
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Strange things afoot at the Circle "S". Ken and I were waiting in line for an after-lunch Starbucks when we looked down and noticed spurs. It's not every day you see a chick wearing spurs, much less in Starbucks. Although, if I was in charge of life's central casting/wardrobe, it would have been a really hot chick in a short plaid skirt and the boots wouldn't be caked in horse crap. And she might have turned to me and said how hot she thinks fat, old, bald dudes are. Instead, she was kinda butch and (thankfully) didn't turn around to talk to me. I'm pretty sure she could have kicked my ass, with or without spurs.

United Sucks. Still.

United Sucks. Still.
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Seriously. United has to be one of the worst run airlines in the U.S. I had a message on my phone this morning from corporate travel telling me United had decided to cancel my 8:00pm flight from Denver to Sacramento. They said they couldn't get a crew in to fly the plane. You're telling me they couldn't get a crew in Denver (one of their major hubs) in 12 hours? Worthless. I hope they do go bankrupt. Any airline that can't manage to get you where you're supposed to be going on at least the same day as you're supposed to be there doesn't deserve to stay in business. I wouldn't be so upset if this didn't happen every time I fly United. OK, I'd still be pissed, but I wouldn't feel as justified. Here's hoping I don't get stuck in Denver for as long as the last time United screwed me (3 days). Bastards are getting another angry letter.

UPDATE: United's still not on my "nice" list, but they (so far) are getting me home tonight. Kind of. They managed to get me on a US Airways flight through Phoenix that should get me in at 11:56. Technically, I guess that's still "today".

Snowbound

Snowbound
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I'm in Steamboat Springs, Colorado this week. Beautiful place, but it's friggin' cold. I went in for dinner and came back out 30 minutes later and I had to scrape 2-3 inches of snow off my rental Ford. On the plus side, I'm getting good use out of my Gore-Tex and fleece. Anyway, I'm on my way back to the hotel (bitchin' La Quinta) and I see this place. Damn, I wish California was this civilized. It's such a huge pain in the ass actually getting out of my truck when I need to pick up some liquor. Unfortunately, I had already picked up some beer, Pringles and Hot Tamales. Dinner o' champions.

LASIK

LASIK
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I had LASIK done this afteroon. Not too bad, overall. Things are still a little blurry, but the doc said it should clear up as the blah, blah, blah. I kind of lost track of what she was saying because the Ativan had started to kick in (who'da thunk such a tiny little pill could make you so woozy). Anyway, Rachelle was busily taking notes so I should be fine. As one extra-special bonus, they threw in a pair of shades to put over the plastic things they taped to my face. This picture doesn't capture the true loserness of the situation, but I wanted to have something showing the immediate aftermath. No blood, no drool. I was a little bummed that Rachelle got to watch and I didn't even get a video. That shit would have made the blog! I'll post better pictures later tonight.

Vegas: Final Night

Vegas: Final Night
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

My last night in Vegas. I'm seriously ready to go home. I can only take so many Fremont Street Experience shows. And I think I've had enough buffets, cheap drinks and mullets to last me a good, long while. Seriously, I didn't realize so many dudes still considered a mullet a "good" look. Walking around down here is like walking through every episode of COPS from 1987-1995. I was pretty sure the first guy I saw sporting the look was going for some kind of weird hipster/ironic look. I've since changed my mind. He was just groovin' on the party-in-the-back attitude. Damn, those boys sure are proud of their bad hair! Of course, they actually have hair. Bastards.

Time to log off for the night. The 11:00 show is getting started and I'd hate to miss my second to last 80's medley. Party on, dudes.

Day 3: Vegas Getting Old

Day 3: Vegas Getting Old
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So I've been here since Sunday, and things are getting a little strange. I did my workshop today (blah, blah, blah) and we decided to leave downtown behind and hit the Strip. Different friggin' worlds. Seriously. Downtown is a much more mellow crowd. Lots noisier, more chances somebody will do something stupid and not get "arrested". The Strip has more "rules". Anyway, we were gambling, i.e., "drinking" at Caesar's and I saw this sign outside the Celine Deion theater. I thought it was a little ironic that weapons were specifically not allowed in the theater. I don't know if that's so you don't shoot Celine or you don't shoot yourself. Either way, your pain is over.

Vegas: Day 2

Vegas: Day 2
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

As many times as I've been to Vegas, I never quite get over how un-subtle the place is. Just in case you're not sure what they mean by "Discount Liquor", they put up the "BOOZE" sign. Sweet. FYI - Think twice (or three or four times) about staying at one of the downtown hotels. The Fremont Street Experience goes off every half hour. Lots of loud 80's music until midnight. Listening to a Madonna/Cyndi Lauper combo right now. Rockin' tunes.

Vegas, Baby!

Vegas, Baby!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I've been in Vegas for two hours and I'm already down $1.40. I'd probably be down more, but I couldn't get a seat at one of the penny slots. If you've ever spent much time in Vegas you should recognize by the picture that I'm staying downtown. Downtown ain't the flashy Vegas you see in Ocean's 11 (Rat-pack or re-make). It's more the Vegas you see in CSI. The body-in-the-alley-in-a-skeevy-part-of-town part of CSI (ironic, but I'm hearing multiple police sirens as I write this). The silver lining is the $1 beers. And the Topless Girls of Glitter Gulch.

There should be more updates tomorrow. Thanks to the half-ass service of Showtime Shuttles (don't EVER take those bastards if you come to Vegas), it was late when I got in and I have to work in the morning. A cold beer on top of my country fried steak and eggs makes Kelly a sleepy boy. Hasta.

Decaying Orbit

Decaying Orbit
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

After 44 years, the Orangevale Orbit will soon be gone, replaced by a sparkly new Chevron. Screw Chevron. I've got to say, this is one of my favorite buildings in Sacramento. This gas station was built back in the early days of the space program, JFK was going to put a man on the moon before the end of the decade, "The Jetson's" were in their first season and personal jet-packs would be on the showroom floors within a few years. OK, that last one didn't happen, but I still dig the design. Tell me how an old, concrete building with a wing-like roof can't be some sort of historical landmark. The sneaky bastards didn't even release the news to the "Mainstream Media". I had to read about the "project" in the weekly Orangevale News. I'm smelling cover-up here. I'm going to have to keep a really close eye on Orangevale Feed next door. I'll be out front with a picket sign if they try to get rid of Socks. As long as it's not summer then. It gets really hot in Sacramento.

Moving on to what I did read in the real newspaper today, I think I'm truly in the wrong business. I've been with the same company for 16 years, and I get 4 weeks of vacation a year and 6 sick/personal days. Not great, but pretty standard. Then I read an article on cnn.com about the benefits al Qaeda operatives get. Married dudes (no chicks in al Qaeda; apparently not an "equal opportunity employer") get 7 days of vacation a month (single guys get 5 days a month) and 15 sick days a year. First thing I thought (shortly after "al Qaeda's got benefits?!") was how mundane this actually sounds. When I think of al Qaeda, I'm picturing guys hunkered down in caves, scratching out crude plans and diagrams in the dirt. What I'm NOT thinking about is guys with vacation and sick days. Weird. Still, not exactly a job I think I'd enjoy. Too much "blowing shit up" and "getting killed". Not a lot of that happening in my office. Besides, they didn't say anything about a 401(k).

People Are Idiots

I just read an article that said 20% of Americans think their calls have been monitored by the government. Who the hell are these cocky bastards? I wish somebody would listen to me. I post to my blog on a semi-regular basis and I'm pretty sure I have a readership of about six. And I'm counting myself. Hell, I'd be happy to post transcripts of all my telephone calls if I thought anybody'd be interested. Sample call:

KELLY: Hello?
RACHELLE: I'm on my way home. What's for dinner?
KELLY: Ummmm, meatloaf? We're out of beer.
RACHELLE: We've got wine.
KELLY: Cool. See you in a few minutes.
RACHELLE: 'Bye.

I've got more if Bush, Dick & Co. would be interested.

I'm absolutely NO fan of the current administration or their quasi-legal wiretapping program, but I don't believe most Americans have been intentionally singled out. There are roughly 300 million Americans, about 210 million over the age of 18 (I'm pulling out the youngsters because, based on what I heard at the mall last week, government interpreters wouldn't have the slightest idea what those dumb-asses were talking about). Figure 20% of the remaining people and you've still got 42 million people to monitor. Screw that. Even with smart NSA sniffers, somebody's got to go back in and listen to that crap. I would last about a week before I wigged out and climbed a clock tower.

That said, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that certain high-profile individuals with no ties to al Qaeda have had their calls, mail, e-mail, etc., intercepted. That's the whole idea behind a "slippery slope". Almost everybody would say that they are cool with listening in to "terrorists", but how far does that go? Is the ACLU a terrrorist organization? Bill O'Reilly seems to think so. People who aren't in lock-step with W. and his cronies are apparently not patriots and are just waiting to be invaded by the Commies/Islamo-facists/Mexicans (take your pick; I was channel-surfing on the way home from work and heard about the dangers of all three groups). Should their phone calls and mail be fair game? Maybe. Anyhoo, I'm pretty sure some of the people who are defending this program the most would be screaming the loudest if there were a Democrat in the White House. But it's possible I'm just cynical.

Enough of my ranting for now. Think I used enough key-words in this post to trip the NSA sniffers? I hope so. I'd hate to be part of the 80% of American losers who are not having their conversations monitored.