bare naked in orangevale

Mendocino Greeno

2008-07-30T21:35:00.000-07:00

Rachelle and I decided to get out of town for the weekend, so we loaded up the 4Runner and headed for a dog-friendly hotel in Fort Bragg. We stayed at the Emerald Dolphin Inn, which is both a hotel and a bitchi' mini-golf "complex". I'm pretty sure the mini-golf is new since the last time we stayed there. Not quite the Four Seasons, but it was comfortable and they gave us a sheet to cover any furniture (i.e., bed) Lucy would be sleeping on. And we were half a mile away from an off-leash dog beach. All of which made Lucy extremely happy. We've taken her to the lake a lot and she really likes the water there. This was a little different. It was all fun and games until she got hit by a wave. Scary stuff! And she seemed really confused by the salty taste. All in all, though, she seemed to enjoy the whole experience.

The North Coast is kind of how I picture California in the 60's and 70's. Lots of unwashed folk and dope smoking. One guy hanging out on the sidewalk in Mendocino actually asked us if we'd be interested in listening to a poem he wrote. Umm, NO. We wandered around looking for a place to grab a quick lunch and moseyed past Mendo Burger. As we walked across the dining patio past 2 people smoking dope at a picnic table I heard one say to the other, "Better go, we've got customers". Both the cook and the counter person were out smoking their "medicine". Didn't give me a lot of confidence in my lunch actually getting "prepared", but I was willing to risk it. The dude who took our order ("Cheech") seemed really confused when I asked for bacon on my burger (it was on the menu). Whatever. Maybe I'll get it, maybe I won't. He wrote down our orders and then called over the chick he'd been smoking with and said, "You figure this out". My hopes for a burger anytime in the near future we dimming considerably. Several very complicated mathematical computations on the calculator later, we paid and hit the patio to wait for our meal. And waited. And waited. We started to think either, A) they'd forgotten why they were cooking the burgers or, B) they got the munchies and decided to eat our lunch themselves. Finally, our meals appeared. And the cook and counter person grabbed the picnic table next to us to finish their "medicine". Good food, good waves and a good second-hand high. God bless the hippies!

Bo: 1998-2008

2008-07-24T06:52:00.000-07:00

After 7 1/2 years with us, Bo suffered kidney, liver and other failures yesterday. Rest in peace, little guy.

Prius Envy...

2008-06-17T22:49:00.000-07:00

You can tell gas prices are finally starting to have an effect on people. One of Rachelle's co-workers swapped her Mercedes for our Prius for the day to see if she should trade her Benz in on something more "practical". Not sure what her decision is yet, but it's weird that the same people who made fun of her for buying it last year are now REALLY interested in getting one. Another of her co-workers is on a waiting list for their very own Prius. HA! I can't tell you how many people told me last year that "you'll never get your money out of a hybrid in gas savings". Bullshit. The Prius didn't cost any more than an average sedan with half the features, and we're getting 50+ MPG. I say "we" because I'm putting as few miles on my 20 MPG 4Runner as possible.

Anyway, I'm thinking about moving beyond a hybrid for my next mode of transportation. I've been researching the different kinds of scooters that could move a 200(+?) pound man to happy hour. And home. Leaning towards a really macho/manly looking Vespa. Maybe get some after-market tassels for the handle bars. And some chrome.

I Really Miss Webvan...

2008-06-14T23:37:00.000-07:00

Just saw that I hadn't posted anything since February 25th. Either I'm living a really boring life, or... OK, so I'm living a boring life. That doesn't mean I haven't actually been doing anything. I'll have to get to that tomorrow, but I wanted to post this picture from the Raley's grocery near my house. They now have something called the "ecart". For those of you who were around NorCal during the internet boom/bubble, you might remember the wonders of Webvan. Webvan was an on-line grocery that delivered all the crap you ordered from their web page to your house within a 30-minute delivery window. And they delivered beer. GENIUS! Until they went bankrupt. Anyway, my local Raley's now has something called the "ecart". It's basically Webvan for the (slightly) less lazy. You are still able to order all your crap via the internets (as long as the tubes aren't all clogged with people surfing for porn/celebrity gossip), and they'll have it bagged and ready for you when you get to the store. I'm pretty sure you don't even have to get out of your car. You might have to actually wear "pants" to get your groceries, but you don't have to deal with "people", i.e., "MORONS WHO WANT TO WRITE A CHECK IN THE EXPRESS LANE AND THEY DON'T EVEN START WRITING THE CHECK UNTIL THE FINAL TOTAL IS RUNG UP AND THEN THEY TAKE THE TIME TO WRITE THE AMOUNT IN THE CHECK REGISTER BEFORE THEY MOVER THEIR LAZY ASSES OUT OF THE WAY". But I digress. I'll make sure to post my review of the whole ecart experience at a later date.

Last Call?

2008-02-25T19:19:00.000-08:00

"Hmmmm, I wonder where I could get some liquor?" Fortunately, my local gas station is there just in case I need an early morning jolt. I know it might be a little hard to see (had to take the picture with my surprisingly crappy iPhone camera), but the sign in front of the Shell station says, "LIQUOR SOLD HERE". Sweet! Although it's not as good as the gas stations where I grew up in Nebraska. There, you could get gas, beer/liquor AND ammo. At least during hunting season. They kept the 12-gauge shells on the counter next to the male enhancement and/or diet pills. I don't think there's much of a hunting season in Orangevale. I guess we could have peacock season or something. Hear they taste a little like squirrel.

Lucy's New Friend

2008-01-26T11:11:00.000-08:00

No, we haven't gotten a new puppy. We had some serious storms here a couple weeks ago and our neighbor's fence blew down. Leaving just enough room for their new puppy to squeeze through. Lucy is extremely happy to have a new friend to play with, but Bo doesn't like other dogs. He doesn't like Lucy much some days, much less a tiny, wiggly puppy that wants to play. They fixed their fence last weekend and Bailey can't get over anymore. So sad for both of them. She's managed to dig a very small hole under the fence. Big enough to get her head through, small enough that she can't make it all the way through.

Lucy hasn't given up hope, though. She goes to the bedroom window when she hears the neighbor dogs are out. It's a little frightening that we have a dog big enough to look out the window without standing on anything but the floor. It's not like it's a low window, either. I'd love for some perv to try peeping in the bedroom window and come face-to-face with her. Lucy, not Rachelle. Lucy's a little scarier looking.

Travelin' Man

2007-12-23T10:13:00.000-08:00

I've been on the road a lot lately with my new job, which gives me plenty of opportunities to try the local restaurants. Sometimes you find a little hole-in-the-wall Mexican or Thai place that has some of the best food around. Then you have the other places. I found Tony's Spunky Steer in Redlands, CA, and was tempted to give it a shot. Almost. I'm assuming it's a steak place, but I was a little concerned about how tasty a "spunky steer" would be and chickened out. Unfortunately, I ended up at Long John Silver's instead. Probably not a good call. Any restaurant that serves deep-fried lobster "bites" is a little suspect, and the chicken/fish/whatever all taste the same. My hotel in Redlands is right across the street from Larry Flint's Hustler Club, where I've heard that the $6 steak is only $2 on Tuesday and you get a free lunch with any drink purchase during the week. Looks like I might have to try that next time instead of the Spunky Steer.

AT&T Sucks

2007-11-05T11:46:00.000-08:00

So I'm pretty sure I only have myself to blame, but I decided to switch from Earthlink to AT&T DSL a couple of months ago. I'd been paying double what AT&T said they'd charge me, and it wasn't that difficult to let the 8 people who email me know I'd changed my address, so I was easily swayed by the sales pitch when THEY FRIGGIN' CALLED ME! I was promised a free DSL modem (with rebate) and no start-up fee. Sounded good. Fast-forward to last Friday. I get a notice in the mail that says I have to pay $108 or they're going to disconnect my phone. WTF? First of all, we pay everything electronically, so our bank sends out a payment as soon as it's due. Kind of hard to not pay your bills when they're friggin' AUTOMATIC, but it turns out they never even sent a bill for October. The only bill we got (via email, which is how AT&T sends bills to us every month) came the day before the mailed disconnect notice. You may notice all the bolded and italicized caps in this post. That's because I have been on hold with AT&T for ONE HOUR AND FIFTY-FIVE MINUTES AND COUNTING to try to figure out how they screwed up my bill so badly. I would have hung up roughly one hour and fifty minutes ago, but I'm so friggin' pissed at them that I want to talk to somebody. That and I'm curious how long they'll actually leave me on hold before they come back.

Updates to follow.

Happy Halloween?

2007-10-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

I met up with Ken at the Powerhouse Pub in Folsom for Monday Night Football (Note: It still doesn't seem right to have MNF on ESPN, but maybe I'm just old school). There is usually just one "Powerhouse Princess" to host the half-time putting contest, but this week we had a cornucopia of hot(ish) chicks in bikinis. Instead of the one (1) scantily-clad chick, there were three (3) young ladies wearing nothging but a bikini and a smile. And about 40 leering pervs, but that's another story. This was our first trip for MNF since the regular season started and we were a little disappointed that none of the regulars seemed to be there. Ted McGinley, The 3 Geeks, etc. I don't want to know what they call us. Don't really care.

I did see this sign on the way in/out. I especially like the "MUST BE LEGAL" disclaimer. Considering this bar is part of the same property where they have nude body-painting on a regular basis, I'm really curious about the costume contest. I'm trying to decide whether I should go as a drunk and shirtless David Hasselhoff (with my bag of Carl's Jr. burgers) or a drunk and shirtless Orangevale resident. Not really a costume per se, more of a life-style choice. Depends on how hungry I am.

2007-10-10T17:09:00.000-07:00

One of the things I really like about my new job is that I am spending a lot of time in San Diego. Being away from home a lot isn't the greatest, but there are worse places to be. My old job had me in Texas and Oklahoma on a regular basis. I could find at least one nice thing to say about both places, but there weren't a lot of places to surf. Not that I actually "surf", but I've always thought it would be fun and I (in theory) could take it up. I bet I'd be a really good surfer, too. I wonder if they have wet-suits in "Extra Fat"? Probably not a good idea for me to be seen in something skin-tight. I've seen my skin. There seems to be lots more of it than there used to be.

One of my nieces is working on a school project based on the book "Flat Stanley". I'm not 100% sure what the whole plot of the book is, but it seems to be about a kid (named "Stanley") who is actually just a piece of paper (I don't know if he actually is paper or if he's just as flat as paper, but I don't think it matters much. At least not to me.) Anyway, my tie-in to the whole thing is Hannah's class had to make their own Flat Stanley and get pictures of them having "adventures". Since I travel a fair amount, I was asked to take Flat Hannah on my trips and get some pictures of her in exotic locales. So far, Flat Hannah has been to the beach, Petco Park (Go Padres!), Las Vegas and Tijuana. At first I felt a little uncomfortable taking pictures of a paper doll in public, but I was taking Flat Hannah on a photo-shoot in Vegas and a woman stopped and said, "Is that a Flat Stanley?" So, apparently, Flat Stanley is something of a celebrity in the soccer-mom circles. I'm not so sure the waitresses at Taco Bell - Tijuana really understood why I was taking pictures of Flat Hannah, but I guarantee they've seen stranger things on an average Friday/Saturday night in TJ. I've been told that the picture of Flat Hannah drinking a Pacifico probably won't make it into the school project. (Not flat) Hannah was actually worried that I'd taken Flat Hannah out of the country. She didn't know if that was against the rules. It's probably OK.

Interesting New Product

2007-09-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

I was at Walgreen's this morning looking for birthday cards for my sister (3 days late) and my mom (still got a couple weeks) when Rachelle wanders on over with this product. My intitial thought was, "Why does she think I'd be interested in a product called Bald Guyz?" Then I remembered. I'm a bald guy. I was too offended to buy them while we were there, but I'm reconsidering. After visiting their web-site, I'm actually somewhat intrigued. Not only do they have the head wipes ("Cleans and Freshens"), but they also have sunscreen gel ("highly sweat resistant") and moisture gel ( with "Green Tea and Grape Seed extracts". They also have t-shirts for ladies who love the baldies ("Bald Guyz are Sexy!"). Might have to order a couple of those for Rachelle. I'll be giving a complete product review soon.

"Labor" Day

2007-09-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

We didn't do a whole lot of "laboring", but Rachelle and I went to Monterey/Carmel for the weekend. We had actually planned on going to Vegas to meet one of her friends for the 3-day weekend. Unfortunately, we waited too long to book the flights and ended up not being able to use my Southwest Rapid Rewards (i.e., "free") tickets. Bummer. Anyway, to make it up to Rachelle, I booked a hotel in Monterey to get away from the un-godly nasty heat of Sacramento in August. Turned out to be a beautiful weekend on the coast. Sunny and 70's the entire trip. Rachelle was able to get discounted tickets to the Monterey Bay Aquarium through work, so we decided to give that a shot. Big mistake. Unless you are 6 years old and/or have several children roughly that age, the aquarium ain't for you. We really would have enjoyed all the exhibits and animals (and fish) if it hadn't been so jam-packed crowded with families and their strollers. What is it about people with multiple kids that they find it perfectly acceptable to let one or more of them run free with the stroller, running over anybody in their way? I personally like kids, have several nieces and nephews, and think the aquarium would be a great learning experience. My problem is with the parents who don't monitor what their kids are doing. My suggestion to the aquarium folk would be to have an "adult" night at least once a month. With beer and/or wine. Or not. Whatever. As long as there were no kids.

We made the trip to Carmel and Big Sur, but the whole thing was fairly relaxing. I hadn't had a bad meal until the last night we were there. Rachelle made the mistake of saying "you haven't had a bad meal since we got here" the last night we were there. Cue the bad meal. If you've seen any of the pictures of me on this blog, you know that I'm not exactly "dainty". I haven't met many meals that I couldn't at least eat. Found one in Monterey. If you ever get to town and are looking for a decent brew-pub, stay FAR, FAR AWAY from Peter B's. The brew was only so-so, and the food was literally inedible. I have probably sent zero meals back in 12 years of business travel. This is the first time I have ever told a waitress to take my meal back. Friggin'-all hungry and I didn't eat my fish and chips because it was so nasty. And this from a man who recently had to upgrade his belt due to circumstances beyond his control. Also, you might want to steer clear of the Padre Oaks Inn. Hotel was pleasant enough, but the bed was so uncomfortable I ended up in my car the last night because it made my back hurt too bad to sleep in the room. On the flip side, I learned how freakin' comfortable a 4Runner can be.

Old Style Me, ASAP?

2007-08-25T10:26:00.000-07:00

Rachelle and I went to my cousin's wedding outside of Chicago last week. Nice Catholic wedding, nice location, etc., but the mass itself made me feel just a little uncomfortable. Having not been to mass (other than weddings and funerals) for quite some time, I don't really know if it was way out of the ordinary or if the standard wedding mass now involves a lot of very conservative political preaching. On the one hand, it takes a little bit of the pressure off knowing my marriage is doomed to fail because:

a) We weren't married in a Catholic church (although the chapel at Treasure Island was very nice); and

b) There isn't a "third person" in my marriage (I had always heard that having extra people in the marriage was a problem, but it turns out the priest was talking about "Jesus", not the "Pool-boy/Cocktail Waitress"-type extra person)

On the other hand, I now have extra incentive to make my marriage work just to spite Father Fronek. At least we were in good company. It looked like the highest concentration of sinners was on the groom's side of the church. If I'm going to burn in hell for eternity, at least the rest of my family will be there with me. And it looks as if they might serve Old Style there, too.

The Chicago portion of our trip was a lot of fun, too. We met Rachelle's cousin for dinner our first night in town and she took us to Tavern at the Park, a new restaurant right next to Millennium Park. If you're in Chicago and are looking for the most decadent, evil, rich desert, hit the Tavern. We had a fondue of melted white-chocolate and crumbled up Oreo's that we dipped crispy-treats, pretzel-sticks, marshmallows and fruit into. I dug it and I don't eat much desert. If you're not as much into the whole "desert" thing, hit the bar for a variety of martinis. Trust me on the martinis.

We also did a lot of the touristy things the second day. This picture was taken from the ladies room of the Signature Lounge on the 96th floor of the Hancock building. My bathroom had a view of a urinal. Rachelle gets this. Another example of how life ain't fair. Anyway, you can either pay $9/person to visit the observatory, or you can go to the lounge for free. Easy choice. I still spent $20+ at the lounge, but we got a better view and a couple good drinks. And Rachelle got a bitchin' view from the bathroom. One word of advice: IF YOU DO NOT HAVE MULTIPLE CHILDREN, STAY FAR, FAR, FAR AWAY FROM NAVY PIER. We hit the Pier with my dad and his wife. Big mistake. Took us 30 minutes to make it to the parking garage because ALL THE FRIGGIN' FAMILIES WERE DROPPING THEIR KIDS OFF AND IT TOOK FRIGGIN' FOREVER. Enough ranting about the Pier. Just a suggestion to avoid it.

Back From Hiatus

2007-08-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

I've been really busy since I started my new job and haven't had much time to update my blog, but something happened at breakfast this weekend that made me really feel like writing something. Rachelle and I were leaving Annie's Breakfast & Steaks (there for the breakfasts, not the steaks) and a guy stopped me and said, "I know this is going to sound weird, but I've read your blog". I was personally happy that somebody other than me and (occasionally) Rachelle actually reads the thing. I don't think Rachelle was quite as "happy". More like "embarassed". Anyway, if you were at Annie's this Saturday morning and are reading this; Thanks!

On to what's been happening since I took the new gig back in June. I've been on the road a little more than I was with MOO, but it's all California travel, which is really nice. I don't really miss all the Oklahoma/Texas travel. Not at all. Anyway, Rachelle and I hit the river for a little kayaking on Sunday. The American River is one reason I don't see myself re-locating to San Diego anytime soon. That and the $800k house prices. We paddled on up to the warning wire strung across the water. It's kind of hard to tell from this picture, but it says, "FOLSOM PRISON - NO TRESPASSING". Sweet! And that's about as close to prison as I ever want to get.

Hotel Del

2007-06-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

This is the view from the balcony of room 3279 at the Hotel Del Coronado, where my new company's "annual event" is being held this year. Beautiful old hotel and great location. I got a room with a courtyard view, but the beach and ocean are right out the back door of the hotel. Tonight was the initial get-together dinner and they had a guest speaker for afterward. The husband of one of the women who works here is a Navy S.E.A.L. They were seated at my table. I am a pathetic, fat, lazy loser. Not just compared to the S.E.A.L., but he didn't make it any easier for me to ignore. Anyway, he was a good speaker and he had some interesting stories during the Q&A. Enough for tonight. I'm thinking about getting up early and going to the fitness center. I probably won't, but thinking about it is more than I've done lately. It's a start. Kind of.

New Job: Day 1

2007-06-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

So today was my first day at the new gig. I show up at a little before 9:00 this morning (after a 6:05am flight) and find out I'm just in time for the weekly Director's meeting. Great. Nothing like sitting front and center at an important meeting your first 5 minutes on the job. Especially after on 3+ hours sleep. At least nobody asked me anything. I'm still waiting for my laptop and BlackBerry, but I should have both by the end of the week. It's is amazing how disconnected you feel when you don't have a work e-mail or laptop. I'm sure I'll be as annoyed by the e-mails eventually, but I miss being connected.

I'm in San Marcos, CA, for the next couple of days learning more about the company and what they're going to expect of me. Probably will expect more than MoO, but it's all sounding good so far. The one down-side of San Diego is the difference in climate from Sacramento. I'm used to dry heat and sunshine. Went out to dinner tonight and felt a little cold sitting on the patio. Fortunately, I found a place right next to the fire pit. Toasty warm! There's a section of town here called "Restaurant Row" where there are 20-30 restaurants in one big area. Makes it really convenient when you're not sure what you are in the mood for. I actually went to find a sports-bar and thought this looked better. Mostly because of the fire pit. I might have more tomorrow, but I brought the good camera down to get pictures from the Hotel Del Mar on Wednesday and Thursday. Bitchin' hotel, from everything I've seen. Definite updates from there.

D.Q.: Orangevale-Style

2007-06-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

So Rachelle and I stopped at the D.Q. for a little soft-serve on the way home from dinner tonight and I had to use the bathroom. "Why would you ever use the bathroom at the Orangevale D.Q." you might ask yourself. Good question! Probably had something to do with the 22oz Sierra Nevada at the Outback, but that's a whole different issue. Anyway, I'm in the bathroom and I notice they have the toilet-paper padlocked to the wall. Definitely the sign of a classy joint. Makes you wonder how many rolls of toilet-paper got lifted before they decided to drop $5 on a Master Lock.

(Ex) Employee #57935

2007-05-31T12:25:00.000-07:00

Today marks the end of an era. After 17+ years, multiple job titles and one trans-continental transfer, I am no longer a Mutual of Omaha-Medicare employee. It was a really good run and I liked most of my co-workers over the years, but it was time for a move. I start my new job for a much smaller company tomorrow and expect all sorts of weirdness to come out of that. I've worked for a large corporation for so long that the little things that I take for granted aren't going to be the same. And some of that is a GOOD thing. I'll be posting more as I learn a little more about what I'll be doing and what they expect of me, but the one really cool thing is I'll be spending my first week at the annual company event at the Hotel Del Coronado. A hotel I've never been able to stay in because I am poor. Not "poor" poor, but definitely to "poor" to spend $400/night for a hotel. I plan on taking lots of pictures. And all of the soap.

Little Dog, Big Dog, Horse...

2007-05-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

We took Lucy to the dog park to play with Sophie the boxer, and they found another friend to play with. Winston the mastiff made Lucy look delicate and petite. She's not, but Winston is a beast. He looked like a pony. An hour of play-time seems to have wiped her out. She hasn't moved in hours. Too bad she wasn't quite so sleepy at 6:30 this morning. I'm tempted to wake her up like she does me every morning, but that would just be petty and spiteful. Still tempted, though.

Cocktails First. Questions Later.

2007-05-21T16:43:00.000-07:00

I took my brother Chris to Las Vegas for his 21st birthday this past weekend. Looking at the picture, you might not immediately notice the family resemblance, but he's been my brother since he was a couple weeks old and he's now 21. Geez, I'm old. If you can't tell, I'm the fat, bald white dude on the left. He's the one who actually looks 21. The showgirl was Eastern European of an undetermined age and hotter than the picture shows. Anyway, Chris had never been to Vegas and what better place is there to celebrate your 21st birthday? My 21st birtday was spent in a dive in Omaha, NE drinking $4.25 pitchers of whatever cheap beer was on tap. He spent his 21st birthday drinking a mojito at the Bellagio. $18 + tip. Damn! On the other hand, he had a total of four (4) drinks the entire weekend. One of which (martini) he didn't like and I had to finish. OK, I didn't "have" to finish it, but it was $10 worth of Kettle One and I hate to see a good martini go to waste. Turns out he didn't really want a "martini". What he thought he was ordering was a "margarita". Hell of a difference. I bought him a margarita at the Casino Royale ("$1 Michelob and/or Margarita") and he liked that much better. Said it tasted like a slushy. So, the 3+ drinks he had the entire weekend were probably the same number of drinks I had my first (legal) 15 minutes in a bar. And at least he got a good story to go with his 21st. I was the only one of my loser friends with a "job" when I turned 21, so I was doing all the "buying". Bastards. But that's 17 years of water under the bridge. I'm not bitter.

Sacramento Brewfest

2007-05-12T18:16:00.000-07:00

Rachelle and I attended the Sacramento Brewfest this afternoon. We took light-rail downtown so we wouldn't have to worry about driving home. Good call, considering the large amounts of beer available. Technically, we were only supposed to get 10 drink coupons with our admission. Technically. We hadn't even gotten to the gate when a guy walking out asked if we were heading in. When we told him "hells, yeah!", he gave us his left-over drink coupons. Score! Add those extra coupons to the vendors who didn't actually "collect" the drink coupons when they gave us our beers and you've got one helluva beer fest. Anyway, the picture I've attached is of me and one of the "Sac City Rollers". Turns out Sacramento has a roller-derby team. Again, SCORE! Next derby is scheduled for May 19th, with a beer garden set up by Sacramento City Brewing Company. Might want to see if Ken's interested in a trip to Davis. Hey, it's only $17 at the door. FYI, this chick is wearing red fish-net stockings and roller skates. HOT! OK, not really "HOT", but pretty cool.

Civic Duty/New Gig

2007-05-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

I've just spent the better part of the past two weeks doing my civic duty serving on a jury. Man, I would've thought all those hours watching "The People's Court" and "Judge Judy" would have given me an edge on deciding who was trustworthy and who was a lying weasel. Not so much. And Judge Ronald wasn't nearly as entertaining as Judge Judy. Lots less yelling at people. Anyway, not much exciting about the case. Sounded really juicy when we were going through the jury selection ("Assault with a Deadly Weapon"), but didn't turn out to be much. At least not much that we got to see. There were only a total of six witnesses, one of the victims didn't even show up and the one that did was only partially believable. All in all, four felony charges turned into three "not-guilty's" and one "guilty". Now I just need to figure out what to do with my $60 in juror pay (plus the $0.34/mile one way mileage). The $60 might be enough to fill the tank in my 4Runner. Maybe.

In other news, I gave my 21-day notice at work (it was going to be a full month, but I got stuck on a jury). I've been at the same company for 17 years this month, but it's time to move on. Mostly because they're closing my office, and if I don't "move on" the new tenants of our office space may not be too happy. The office isn't actually closing until February(ish), but I got an offer that I didn't want to turn down. The job is with a much smaller company that handles things in a much less corporate way. No real number of sick days, you keep track of your own vacation, actual I.T. support, etc. I don't even think I get a company I.D. badge or anything. The company's based in the San Diego area, but I'm not going to move. Rachelle still likes her job up here and we can actually afford to own a home in Orangevale. I guess I'll see how much I like travelling to SoCal on a fairly frequent basis.

New Pet?

2007-04-29T21:17:00.000-07:00

Rachelle won't let me bring him/her/it inside, but we now have an 8-inch lizard living under our palm tree. Rachelle seemed very concerned when she opened the front door and saw Larry waiting to be let in. It would probably work out better for everybody if he never made it past the door. I hate to think what Lucy would do with a new "squeaky toy" that actually ran from her. And I hate to think of how much KILZ I'd need to cover everything up before Rachelle got home. Also, I'm pretty sure the existence of Larry spells the end of any yard-work help I was hoping for from Rachelle this summer. I hope to hell she doesn't see any lizards in the back.

MPG Me, ASAP!

2007-04-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

Damn, Rachelle's new car rocks! It's not as manly (and ruggedly handsome) as my new 4Runner, but it get friggin' great mileage. I had to fill my car up this weekend and it ran me just under $65. For about 330 miles. Rachelle had to fill up yesterday and it cost her $29 for 405 miles. Ouch. She was nice enough to beam me this picture of her drive home when she was averaging 60+ MPG (picture taken as she was stopped at a light). On the plus side, I have a sunroof. FYI, there should be some law against dealerships in warm-weather states selling any car with a sunroof or rag-top to a 35+ year old dude. Bound to be some crispy scalps. Anyway, we both took a bunch of crap from people who said "you'll never get your money back out of the gas savings". Screw that. We're getting double the mileage of anybody I know (except Shelley who also drives a Prius), and the cheapest gas I've seen in the area is running about $3.20/gallon. We might not make all our money back on getting better mileage, but Rachelle gets to drive a car she likes and she only has to fill up every 3 weeks. I'm pretty sure that was only the third time she's had to put gas in since she bought the car on March 8th. Not bad. Of course, I've only put gas in twice since I brought the 4Runner home on March 17th, but I've been out of town a lot.

Moving on to a different topic, Southwest still hasn't found my luggage, but they did send a nice letter last week telling me they were still looking for it. They also included a $200 travel voucher and told me that they were sending a check for my losses within 7-10 business days. Nice. I'd much rather have my crap back (meaning I didn't have to go shopping for all new crap), but I'll take the money. I've already used the $200 voucher for a ticket to take my brother Chris to Vegas for his 21st birthday. Hard to believe he's actually turning 21. Makes me feel really, really (really) old. Fortunately, my 17 years of post-21 drinking experience give me a really good idea of what drinks will leave him with the worst hang-over. My conundrum as an older brother is whether to use that knowledge for good or evil. Should I take good care of my little bro', or should I order him a multitude of Jaeger-based shots? Decisions, decisions. Another tough call: strip club or no strip club? Maybe I'll just take $40 in singles and let nature take its course.

Shrinkage/Stage-Fright

2007-04-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

Rachelle and I spent the weekend in San Diego at the Hotel Salomar in the Gaslamp District. It's a Kimpton hotel, so it's got a lot of quirky, "not your average Holiday Inn" touches. One of the "quirky" touches can be found in the men's bathroom at the JBar. Got to tell you, it was really strange using this urinal. Talk about a little stage-fright. But I really, really had to go. Staying in the Gaslamp let us hit one of our favorite restaurants. The Gaslamp Strip Club is a place where you pay a lot of money for a steak that you have to cook yourself on a communal grill. On the down-side, you're cooking your own meal. On the up-side, you get the steak just like you want it. And the sides rock. Oh, and the martinis rock, too. Tried several different types of martinis. Maybe that's why the meal seemed so good.

Happy Birthday, Lucy!

2007-04-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

Today is Lucy's first birthday. Hard to believe she's only one. Even harder to believe this is the same 7lb. dog we brought home 10 1/2 months ago. We took her to the lake today to look at the geese and play in the water. What more could you ask for? Oh, and she got peanut butter mixed in with her dry food. Happy birthday, little girl.

First "Craigslist" Post

2007-04-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

After roughly a year and a half taking up space in my garage, I finally decided to see if I could get rid of the last two left-over boxes of bamboo flooring. Two boxes is approximately 48 square feet, and I also offered (out of the goodness of my heart) the left-over scrap pieces, too. Not having the slightest idea what I actually paid per box, I posted it in the "free stuff" section. People apparently just troll the "free stuff" section, because I had three requests within the first ten minutes of posting it. I'm going to have to keep an eye on that section for some good "free stuff" that I want. I'll update this if somebody actually shows up to get it.

Here's an update on my recent screed against Folsom Lake Toyota. They sent me a "Customer Satisfaction Survey" this weekend to see how my experience was. First mistake. Second mistake was they gave me an e-mail address of somebody to contact. Bet they were happy to check their e-mail this morning. Anyway, I got home today to a message from said e-mail contact apologizing for the problem and assuring me it was an isolated incident. To make up for my lost time (which is very valuable), they were sending me a certificate for a free lube, oil and filter change for both the Prius and 4Runner. Nice. I'm not really sure I want to go back there for a lube, but it's free. We'll see how things go this time around.

Folsom Lake Toyota Sucks

2007-04-04T16:25:00.000-07:00

So I ended up buying two cars from Folsom Lake Toyota last month and had been pretty happy with the whole experience. Minimal haggling, decent price on both cars, didn't try to up-sell us on the "invisible under-coat". In and out with new cars in a couple hours. All that good will went down the drain yesterday. When I bought the 4Runner they couldn't find one of the three keys. Not a big deal. I really only needed two, but apparently one was the "special" valet key. So I get a call last week saying they could fit me in at noon yesterday to get my key calibrated with the computer. What the hell the key has to do with the computer is waaaay beyond me (I'm pretty sure you can start my Ford Ranger with a coat hanger and a gum wrapper), but I'm cool with getting my key. They told me it would take about 30 minutes to get the key made and synched. Easy enough. I had a bunch of paper-work to catch up on at work, so I figured I could work from home and run down to the dealership during lunch. Showed up at the service department and checked my car in at 11:53am. Went to the customer lounge and waited for somebody to come tell me my car was ready. I had taken some work with me, so I had something to keep me busy for a while. After about an hour and a half I start getting a little bored and start to wonder where my car is. I figure it must be a really complicated process and decide to give them another few minutes before I check on how long it's going to take. Go to the service counter at 1:46pm. Chick at the counter makes a few clicks on the computer and says my car is ready. Weird that nobody's come to get me, but whatever. She sends the guy to get my car and has me sign off on the receipt. I look at the receipt and see that the car was actually DONE AT 12:30PM! Now's when I start to get truly annoyed. I'd been sitting in the customer lounge for an hour and a half AFTER my car was done because (turns out) the chick who checked my car in went to lunch and forgot to tell somebody to let me know when my car was done. REMEMBER: They called me to set up the noon appointment. SLACK-ASSES! I called the service department manager as soon as I got home and (calmly) explained what had happened, told him I would never buy another car from Folsom Lake Toyota, would never take my cars there for service and would never recommend them to ANYBODY. After politely listening to my rant/complaint, he apologized and said he hoped my next experience would be better. HA! It might be better, it might be worse, but the one thing I can tell you is it won't be THERE. Enough ranting for now. I've got a cold beer waiting for me.

Kelly Goes to White Castle

2007-03-31T10:54:00.000-07:00

I'm in Nashville this weekend for my annual "Guys Weekend" and I had to make an early morning (11:00am) run to the White Castle down from the hotel. Nothing like a little grease to take the edge off a long night. And you can eat a ton o' slyders for $5.00. So far, my Nashville experience would have to rate an A-. Weather is great, good night-life, friendly people. Only thing I've found that I don't like is the complicated (and friggin' expensive) cab fare system. $3.00 base charge, additional $1.00 per person and $2.00 per mile. You jam seven guys in a cab and your fare is $10.00 before you leave the curb. Anyway, time to head down to the lobby for my Fantasy Baseball draft. Should be good.

Lost Luggage: Day 13

2007-03-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago, Southwest Airlines somehow managed to lose my luggage on a flight that never actually went anywhere. I checked my bag in San Antonio, got on a plane to Houston, plane took off, plane came back to San Antonio because of "weather". So far, so good (Houston isn't exactly my favorite place anyway, and I don't really mind San Antonio). Things went downhill from there. I re-booked myself on a flight back to Sacramento and the gate-agent sent somebody to pull my luggage off the plane. Ooops! Said plane was pulling away from the gate to go "somewhere". Not a huge deal. I've been flying Southwest for 12 years and they hadn't failed me before. Bastards. I finally get back to Sac'to (sans luggage) and I go to baggage claim to make a report. Chick in baggage claim says she can't take a report because my bag was checked to Houston and we were in Sacramento. I tried to explain that I never actually went to Houston, but she didn't seem convinced. Finally, she called Houston to see if they could help me. Turns out nobody was answering the phone in Houszton, so she told me to call back the next day to see if my luggage had "caught up" with me. Ha! No luggage and nobody seemed willing to take a report. Multiple phone calls later (Sacramento, Houston, San Antonio, Dallas, etc.), somebody finally took a "courtesy" report for me. To their credit, Southwest was very good about calling me at 6:30am for the next five days to tell me they still hadn't found my bag. On the fifth day I was finally told it had been turned over to "central baggage" in Dallas. Great. Anyway, 13 days after my original flight and I still don't have my stuff. Moral of the story? Stay the hell outta Texas!

Goin' "Green"

2007-03-11T13:03:00.000-07:00

Rachelle got a new car yesterday. We actually went to the Toyota dealership looking for a car for me, but we came home with a new Prius for Rachelle. Possibly the coolest car I've ever driven. So many electronic gadgets, storage compartments, flashing lights and gizmos! There isn't even a real "key" to get in or start it. You just have this little hunk of plastic that has to be close to the car when you reach for the handle and it opens, and as long as the "key" is somewhere inside the car, you start it by pushing the "POWER" button. Too friggin' cool! That said, it did take about 5 minutes to figure out how to put it in PARK after the test-drive (HINT: PUSH THE BUTTON MARKED "PARK"). Makes perfect sense, but who would've thought there would be a button for that? I've driven dozens of different cars as an owner, renter or "borrower", and not one had a "POWER" or "PARK" button. I might find things I don't like about it after we've had it for a while, but I'd definitely have to recommend the Prius to anybody looking for a mid-sized, mid-priced car. Lots of bang for your buck. Anyway, we ran up to the wineries up above Placerville today, just to see how it handled on the freeway. A surprising amount of power for a little 4-cylinder. The xA really struggles up the hills and this thing just cranked right on up. Rachelle might not want to let me drive it too much, though. It's got a fancy display that tells you how much gas you're using, whether the electric motor or the engine is actually driving the car, battery charge, etc. It's entirely possible I'll wrap it around a pole while I'm giggling about the 87.6 mpg I'm getting.

I've been told that I will also be getting a car this month, but I'll believe that when I have the keys in my grubby little hands. It's going to seem a little strange to have two nice-ish cars, but I guess that's the payback for driving cheap, crappy cars for a couple years. Having a paid for car to trade takes some of the bite out of a decent car, especially if you can get something on the trade. Needless to say, we're not going to be trading in the Ranger. Paid for? Check. Low miles? Check. Vinyl seats, 5-speed stick and crank windows? Unfortunately, check. We'd get about $100 for it.

Hmmmm...Which Meeting Am I Here For?

2007-03-03T08:24:00.000-08:00

I'm freshly back from Las Vegas, and as anybody who has ever spent a week in Vegas can tell you, three days in Vegas is plenty. Rachelle was with me those first couple of nights so it wasn't too bad, but I scheduled my meetings in a hotel that wasn't on or near the Strip. Kind of limited my options for the rest of the week. On the plus side, the Irish bartender at the hotel bar knew my drink of choice by the third night. One really good thing about the non-touristy hotels, i.e., "dumps", is that the good beers are $2.00 ($1.50 at happy hour), and there isn't an appetizer over $2.99. My hotel wasn't actually a dump. The first couple of nights were better because my room was in the Courtyard section, which is entirely non-smoking. I was SHOCKED to find a hotel in Vegas with several hundred rooms set aside in a completely separate location for non-smokers. (FYI - Restaurants in Vegas recently went to a completely non-smoking environment. There is some trouble with the actual enforcement, but a great move in my opinion.) The real problem came when I had to change rooms on Wednesday from my non-smoking room in the non-smoking courtyard to a "hospitality suite" down the hall from the Narcotics Anonymous meeting. The people attending the NA meetings were really friendly, but they all smoked like a '72 Buick with a broken exhaust. Wussy Californian that I now am, I had to sleep with a wet towel by the door-crack to keep the smoke out. Anyway, I'm home now and all is peaceful and smoke-free. Life is probably better for me this weekend than all the people at my meeting who had to fly home to Omaha (14+ inches of snow), Florida (tornados & thunderstorms), Kansas City (cold & snow) and Chicago (snow/ice/wind). Sacramento is supposed to be upper 60's and sunny. Makes the high cost of living seem almost worth it.

Vegas, Baby!

2007-02-26T19:16:00.000-08:00

Just got back from the "Bodies" exhibit at the Tropicana. Creepy shit. Not sure I really agree with the whole skinning of dead bodies and putting them on display, but it was REALLY interesting. And REALLY creepy. But we had a coupon. This is a work trip for me, but Rachelle came along for a couple days. Being in Vegas for work isn't usually that different for me than being in Burleson, Texas for work. More restaurant choices in Vegas, but I generally spend a lot of time hanging out in my hotel room watching basic cable. With Rachelle here, I actually go out at night. With her. Lots more fun than hanging out in my hotel room alone, but only one of us has to be in a conference room at 7:00 am. And it ain't her. Makes for a very long and sleepy day. Anyway, she's leaving again tonight and I'll be left alone with my TV. Might even treat myself to some Spectra-Vision and a 64oz beer. Or two.

Livin' Large @ the Holiday Inn

2007-02-19T18:49:00.000-08:00

Just wrapping up my second-to-last visit to Houston and I'm actually going to miss it. Kind of. I found a restaurant that I can't find one bad thing to say about. Seriously. I'm sitting in the bar (shockng, I know) and the guy brings out my free chips and salsa. I was expecting the usual boring chips and salsa. What I got was a mix of regular tortilla chips, blue corn chips, chips dusted with cinnamon and chili powder (rocks) and sweet-potato chips (also rocks). There was also some sort of orange/brown tortilla chip that I couldn't identify, but I ate a crap-ton of those, too. And don't even get me started on the food I actually paid for (think "chicken-fried tuna steak"). So if you're ever in Houston and hungry for some Southwestern grub, make sure you check out the Canyon Cafe. Happy Hour looks pretty sweet, too.

Enough about the good part of my trip. Let's go back to my 6:00am flight out of SMF. I had to leave home at 4:00ish. AM. Lots of other people had to leave home really friggin' early, too. Everybody except the one family they held the flight for because they were "stuck in the security line". Yeah, that's what happens when you don't get to the airport EARLY ENOUGH TO CLEAR SECURITY! Dumb-asses. Didn't help any that the young dad looked like a K-Fed wannabe. Mom looked OK enough, but you wanted to smack the dude upside his backward-turned, tag-still-on-it ball cap.

Goin' Back to Cali...

2007-02-17T12:12:00.000-08:00

I've been watching reports of the nasty weather in the rest of the country and it makes me really happy that I no longer live there. Yeah, we've had some rain this month, but this entire weekend was sunny and mid 70's. Shorts and t-shirt weather. Of course that also means "yard-work weather", but I'll take a little mowing and weed-whacking over shovelling any day. Anyway, since it was so nice out, Rachelle and I decided to take Lucy for a walk along the American River. That's where we found this little bit of Northern California weirdness. As you can see, even Lucy is confused as to why there would be a large oil painting leaning up against a bush in the middle of a field. A little surreal. Whatever. The walk was nice and it tired Lucy out. Always a good thing.

My co-worker in the Sacramento office is "leaving to pursue other opportunities" next week, so I will be getting my original West Coast territory back. No more Texas/Oklahoma. I am so sad. I've got to finish out what I've got scheduled, hence the 6:00am flight to Houston later this week, but I won't be scheduling anymore trips there. Good thing I hadn't picked out a new belt-buckle and boots. At least I got a chance to visit the Oklahoma National Stockyards. Scratch that one off the list. It was actually kind of cool. Oklahoma really isn't that bad. I had some time to kill before my flight back to Cali, so I decided to check out a western wear store. Now, I've been to "western wear" stores in Nebraska and California, but they take their western wear seriously in Oklahoma. I had no friggin' idea you could spend $800+ for a pair of regular leather boots. No exotic critter skin, no fancy stiching, just boots. I didn't pay $800 for my first car. Hell, I don't think I've paid $800 for anything I could wear. Anyway, I walked into Tener's Western Outfitters and I immediately knew they could tell I wasn't from around there. They might have been tipped off by the black suit and wingtips, but I'm not 100% sure that was it. A guy came up to me and introduced himself as "Dwight" and said to let him know if I had any questions. My only question was "why do boots cost so friggin' much?", but I didn't think that would be polite. So if you're ever in Oklahoma City and you're in the market for some serious western wear, check out Tener's and ask for Dwight. He'll take good care of you.

"Howdy, Pilgrim!"

2007-01-30T15:49:00.000-08:00

I had to fly to Orange County this morning. One of the things I like about coming to the 'O.C.' is John Wayne airport. The place is clean, rental cars are on-site and the lounge has decent beer. And it's not LAX. Whatever. So I'm sitting in the lounge and start thinking the deep thoughts that come along with the two Sam Adams drafts. Do people who fly once or twice a year actually look forward to the whole airport/airplane experience? Pontificating from the depths of the lounge, I tried to pick out anybody who looked like they were actually going someplace for "fun". All I saw were different versions of me. Lots of suits, laptops and briefcases. And not a happy looking face to be found. Bummer.

Anyway, the reason I was in L.A. was I had a meeting at a hospital at 9:00. Lucky for me, I stopped for a soda on the way and was running a little late. One of the "patients" took his shoes off in the lobby and the smell made two employees vomit. I can't imagine what kind of stench could cause two seasoned hospital employees (who are used to some nasty things) to get sick. Just REALLY glad I wasn't there. I caught the tail end and it was a tad funky. Thinking of the doctor who actually had to treat the dude put my whole professional world in perspective. Probably 200 people taking their shoes off near me on the way through security, and nobody was foul enough to cause a mass case of the heebie-jeebies. Also, I have yet to visit a hospital that has a decent bar.

Movie Review: "Smokin' Aces"

2007-01-28T16:52:00.000-08:00

Just got back from checking out "Smokin' Aces". Pretty good story, lots of great actors, LOTS of blood and gore. Well done blood and gore, but LOTS of it. And just a dash of gratuitous nudity. (Sidenote: Is cinematic nudity ever truly "gratuitous"? I could find a way to justify nudity in a movie about nuns in a leper colony. Nuns come home after a long day helping the sick, need a hot bath, possibly a massage. Maybe some flash-back sequences to when the really hot, young nun was working as a stripper to pay the bills. You know, before she found god, became a nun, moved to the leper colony. I see this as a Russ Meyer movie, but he's dead. Too bad. He could make this work. Think "Mondo Topless" meets "Supervixens" meets "The Flying Nun".) Anyway, I mostly enjoyed the movie, but would not recommend it to anybody who's the least bit squeamish about blood, shootings, stabbings, etc. Tarantino fan, this might work for you. "Apple Dumpling Gang" fan, not so much.

Bo & Lucy go to Costco...

2007-01-16T19:57:00.000-08:00

OK, so they don't actually know they went to Costco, but I don't think they care. All they know is they got to go for a ride and there were treats for everybody. I was looking at this picture and I couldn't believe how big Lucy has gotten. I seem to remember bringing home a little puppy who would hide from Bo under the end table. Now she can't even fit her head under the end table to get her Kong. Still thinks she's a lap-dog, though. I can guaran-freakin'-tee you that La-Z-Boy won't honor their warranty if my chair breaks and they find out a 200-ish pound dude was sitting with his 80-ish pound dog in his lap. Shhhhhh!

Several fancy downtown restaurants are offering a special deal this week, so Rachelle and I decided to load up the xA and give Mason's a shot. Good place, but a very strange crowd/atmoshpere. And I knew I was WAY out of my league when the waiter asked if we wanted water and gave us four choices. I didn't know there were four different types of water. I know "tap" and "bottled". What the hell else is there? I'd have to give the restaurant 4 stars out of 5, but Rachelle said the dessert was the best she'd ever had. Some sort of chocolate volcano cake with ice cream on top. A little too rich for me, but she loved it. Anyway, the only reason I'm mentioning this place is the bathroom. The men's and women's rooms are separated by a floor-to-ceiling glass wall. It's only by the sinks, but it's really distracting. You're standing there washing your hands and you're face-to-face with some chick on the other side. I guarantee that dudes are much more diligent in their hand washing when they know women are watching them. Lots more soap usage than I normally see in the men's room. I'm not 100% sure I'm comfortable with the whole set-up, but I'm sure it gets a lot more interesting as the night goes on. We left around 10:00pm and the fake tits and injected lips were out in full force. Shocking!

Big Girl & Scrappy Dude

2007-01-02T22:22:00.000-08:00

So Lucy turned 38 weeks today. Based on my sketchy math, that is actually about 9 1/2 months. Woof. She's 75+ pounds and I can scratch her ears without bending down. Good God, I hope she stops growing soon. I'm not sure Rachelle knew what she was getting into when she said, "So you've got some extra great dane/chocolate lab puppies? Sure, I'd love to take one home!" At least Lucy was the "smallest". FYI, I don't know that I'd recommend a great dane mix for anybody living in a small home. Hell, the lab part ain't so great, either. We went out for New Year's Eve and came home to find Lucy had torn her bed to shreds. Again. We've gone through more beds in the past nine months than we did in Bo's first five years. Speaking of which, January 1st was the fifth anniversary of Bo's adoption. Five years ago last Monday, we drove to the parking lot at the Folsom Petco and slipped Irmgard a check for $100 and took Bo home. It was like a drug deal, but with more fur and slobber. And barking. Life has been nothing but happiness and roses ever since. Ha! OK, so it's been mostly happy, but a lot less "clean" than the pre-pet days.

So Rachelle and I met up with Ken for "Pint Night" at Yager's tonight. $5 for the first pint and you get to keep the glass. Pretty sure it's $3 per pint after that, but I'm a little fuzzy on the true "Pint Night" rules. Regardless, you get a raffle ticket for each pint you drink and you get entered in a drawing for beer-related prizes. Until Ken showed up, Rachelle and I were the only ticket holders and were basically a 100% lock for said beer-related prizes. Bastard! Anyway, worked out OK since I won both an XL Lagunitas Brewing Company t-shirt and two (2) Lagunitas pint glasses. Just what I needed! Too bad Christmas is already over. I smell re-gift!

Happy New Year!

2006-12-31T17:57:00.000-08:00

Rachelle and I met up with Ken and Shelley to celebrate New Year 2007. The weird part was we met at 3:30 p.m. Turns out an English pub near us was celebrating the New Year on London time. Sweet! I might not make it all the way to midnight in Cali (hell, I'm damn near 40), but I can sure as shit make it until 4:00 p.m. Free champagne-ish type beverage (calling it "sparkling wine" would even be a stretch), a round of Auld Lang Syne and some decent stout. And home in time to feed the dogs at 6:00. We did hook up again to celebrate the real, American New Year. Hit Sky for sushi and then Sartory for wine and live "music". Music kind of sucked, but it was nice in a laid-back way. I'm waaaay past the days of crowded, loud bars. I really like being able to talk to the people I'm out with. So sue me, I'm 37. Anyway, Happy New Year to everybody reading. I hope you all have a great 2007. I plan to start my new year with a tall stack of pancakes and some really good mimosa's. Maybe. Depends on what time the dogs get me up.

Ski Bunny (Rachelle)

2006-12-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

OK, so I last posted a picture of the ski resort we hit a couple of weeks ago in Tahoe. Tahoe's great, but we went to my Dad's surprise birthday party in Salt Lake City and hit the Utah slopes. Much scarier. We spent all day at Sugar Bowl in Tahoe on the bunny slopes. BORING! As I said in my last post, I was tearing up the bunny slope in Tahoe, and I was all ready to hit the blue slopes in Utah. We took the UTA (some sort of Utah mass transit bus) up from a Park & Ride in Salt Lake City for $3. Damn good deal considering the weather. Anyway, we were ready to rip up some pansy-ass Utah slopes after taking on some of the best (?) Tahoe had to offer. Ummm, not so fast. All was good until we actually hit the lift. We got up to the little "Wait" line and waited for the lift to swing around. Still good. Lift scooped us up and started moving us up the hill. A little faster than Sugar Bowl, but still good. I leaned back to pull the safety bar forward... Uh, oh. Not so good! Apparently, Alta doesn't seem to understand the need for "safety bars". Personally, I don't really like the idea of swinging 100 feet off the ground on a slippery vinyl seat in a high wind with blinding snow and 160mm skis strapped to my feet (tiny for a 6'2" dude, but plenty long for a crap-ass skier). There might have been a slightly damp spot on the lift when I slid off, but I'm not saying for sure. We got to the top (thank God) and had to figure out the best way down. My suggestion was to follow the sign that said "EASIEST WAY DOWN". Sounds good to me! Turns out the "easiest way down" wasn't really "easy". There was lots more falling down in Alta that there was in Sugar Bowl. Fortunately, the snow was so fluffy and powdery that I didn't actually get hurt. Cold, yet. Hurt, no. Not even my pride. I know full well that I can't ski, so the "pride" thing wasn't a big issue anyway. Even though the toughest run I took was called "Dipsy Doodle". No shit. Dipsy Doodle was a serious ass-kicker. Whatever. It was so friggin' cold, snowy and windy that we didn't take too many runs down the slope, but I can safely say that I was truly impressed with the Utah slopes. Oh, and we took the wrong bus back down the hill. Turns out we didn't want the #96 bus, we wanted the #95 bus. Soooo close, but the #96 didn't actually go to the Park & Ride where we'd "parked". Ooops. All worked out well, but a little awkward when we had to tell our bus driver (who looked EXACTLY like a clean Danny Bonaduce) that he was taking us to the wrong place.

Ski Bum

2006-12-10T19:02:00.000-08:00

Rachelle and I went to Tahoe this weekend for a little early season skiing. Pretty much because some of the resorts offer a "Learn to Ski" package this weekend. $25 gets you two hours of lessons, skis, boots and a lift ticket. That makes it somewhat affordable when you have to add in a night at Wag for Lucy, two dog-sitting sessions for Bo and a rental 4x4 to make it up the hill. Whatever, it's not a bad deal at all, especially considering that of the 20+ people there for the lesson, everybody but me and Rachelle were there for snowboarding. Since apparently everybody already knows how to ski (except me and Rachelle), we got a private lesson. OK, Rachelle already "knows" how to ski, but I've got minimal skills. That said, I didn't fall all day. And I kicked some serious ASS on the Black Bear run. The Black Bear run is the fastest, scariest, baddest portion of the "beginner" slope. "Beginner" being the politically correct term for what used to be called the "Bunny" slope. The actual scarriest part of the beginner slope was the lift. This is the part of the ski park where they put the tiny kids and the big, fat dudes who might be a danger to real skiers. I fit in the big, fat dude category. Pick the White Pine run and you're getting a "hill" in the loosest sense of the word. Anyway, even though the beginner slope was just barely past horizontal, it was a great day on the mountain. If anybody wants to hit a nice ski park where the staff is friendly and the bar is large, give Sugar Bowl a shot. Nobody will even laugh (out loud) at you if you spend all day on the "beginner" slope and you are well into your 30's. A lot of sad head-shakes, but no laughs.

Meltdown

2006-11-21T16:51:00.000-08:00

It's 8:00 a.m. on the Tuesday of a three-day holiday week, the week before I have to fly to Austin/Oklahoma City for two workshops, and two very bad work-related things happen. First, the office copier starts making a jet-engine type noise. Not good when I need 120 copies of a 50 page presentation (and 120 copies of about 6 other handouts). Huge pain in the ass, but nothing the Copy & Print Center at Staples can't help me with (3,328 total copies; bitchin'!). The second (and FAR nastier) problem is that my computer crashed this morning. The computer that I normally connect to my projector. So people can actually see my PowerPoint presentation. I called the "help desk" at my Home Office and got all the usual "helpful" suggestions. "Take the battery out and try again". "Take the battery out, unplug it and try again". Didn't work. Shocking. They finally told me they'd send me a new machine and I'd have it by Monday. That would be great if I was going to be in Sacramento on Monday. Unfortunately, I'll be in Texas. Now it's supposed to be shipped to my house on Friday. I've got my fingers crossed.

Anniversary

2006-11-20T16:31:00.000-08:00

Anniversary
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Rachelle and I celebrated our 6th anniversary last week. To help commemorate our solemn and glorious Las Vegas wedding, we decided to hit the Indian casino near our house for the buffet. Rock on! We actually could have gone someplace "nice", but the casino really seemed to fit. And it was only $9.99 per person. Drink included. Anyway, to anybody interested in getting married, Vegas is really a pretty good option. Book yourself a package through one of the better hotels and you're set. Pictures (that I wasn't told about), video (ditto) and you are in and out in 30 minutes. Pretty painless. And you can take care of the reception by giving everybody a roll of nickels and sending them towards the slots. Free cocktails for everybody! Thanks for sticking with me for six whole years, Rachelle. Only 30+ to go.

Election Day

2006-11-07T08:26:00.000-08:00

Election Day
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Election day today! As you can see, people weren't exactly fighting to get in to vote for their favorite elected/hopeful representative. I heard on the radio that California was expecting a +/- 50% turn-out, and 45% of those had already voted absentee. With all the talk about problems with electronic voting, I was feeling pretty confident that our optical scanners were pretty safe. There's an actual paper ballot that you fill in like a school test and feed through a scanner when you're done. Pretty simple. Problem is they "forgot" to send a power cord for the scanner, so they'll have to "hand count" them later. I see my vote for Charlie Brown getting "lost". Of course they'd have to toss out my Schwartzenneger vote, too. God, I love the political season! Seriously. I'll be glued to the TV all night. Might be some yelling, some swearing. Whatever.

Happy Halloween, Lucy!

2006-10-31T18:33:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween, Lucy!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

OK, so I couldn't resist posting a picture of Lucy in her costume. I don't think she really wanted to dress up as a Fairy Princess, but there weren't a whole lot of costume choices for a chocolate lab/great dane puppy at the $0.99 store. You're looking at $1.98 worth of crazy single-people high-jinks. Lucy and Bo are actually spending the early evening in the back of the truck in the garage. Too much stuff could/would get broken every time the doorbell rang. So far, the bell has only rung twice tonight. 6:28 p.m. PST and we've managed to give away one (1) Tootsie Pop (orange) and one (1) bag of Skittles. Damn kids better start showing up soon or I'm shutting the porch light off, dropping the black-out shades and ripping open mini-packets of Smarties, Twizzlers and Tangy Taffy. Maybe some Starburst. All go really well with a nice Central Coast cabernet sauvignon.

FINAL COUNT: @ 40 kids
Still plenty of swag for me. And Rachelle. And we didn't even have to go door-to-door.

Halloween Party

2006-10-29T16:06:00.000-08:00

Halloween Party
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Rachelle and I were invited to a Halloween party this year, so we had to come up with a costume idea. We settled on Howie Mandel (me) and a brief-case bimbo (Rachelle) from "Deal or No Deal". Neither one of us actually watch the show, but it was a really cheap couples costume. It basically involved me shaving my head completely down (a little cold this time of year, even in Sacramento), finding a pair of clip-on earings and drawing in a cheesy goatee. Rachelle had to dress like a hoochie and carry an aluminum briefcase. Cheap, cheap, cheap! We were a little worried that since it's such a BAD game show nobody would recognize who we were supposed to be. Fortunately, it seems lots of people watch really bad game shows.

FYI - In case anybody is worried about Lucy after seeing that nasty picture I took at the vet's, she's completely recovered. I even took a picture of her in her Halloween costume today, but Rachelle thought it would be too embarrassing to post it. For us, not Lucy. Although Lucy seemed less than happy to be dressed up as a Fairy Princess.

Lucy's First Emergency

2006-10-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

Lucy's First Emergency
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

...then this morning we end up back at the vet's for Lucy's first emergency visit. We took her to the new dog park and she must have stepped on a bee or a spider or something that caused an alergic reaction. Her face swelled up to twice her normal size. Creepy-looking Halloween dog #2. Both are fine, but the meds seem to be making Lucy a little sleepy. Bo is always sleepy.

Bo's Emergency

2006-10-28T11:49:00.000-07:00

Bo's Emergency
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So, Tuesday night we had to take Bo to the vet because Lucy's tail caught him in the eye and caused some inner-occular bleeding (or something like that). Creepy-looking Halloween dog #1...

Perfect Mix

2006-10-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

Perfect Mix
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

One of the Auditors in my office brought back a jar of tequila-infused chocolate candies. "Nasty" you say? So you might think. Not true at all! As soon as I opened the lid I got a strong whiff of tequila. A little disturbing at 7:30 a.m., but I was willing to give it a shot. No pun intended. Turns out it was actually good. Not a liquid center like I was afraid of. More like a blended chocolate-tequila nugget. Tasty!

Rainbow Bridge: Sunrise

2006-10-10T17:25:00.000-07:00

Rainbow Bridge: Sunrise
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

One of the joys of having a puppy is that I am now exposed to many, many more weekend sunrises than I would have otherwise. Bo would happily get up, eat and go back to bed. The perfect dog. Lucy, on the other hand, wants to get up, eat and PLAY! So I get to get up and play WITH HER! Fun!

Anyway, this weekend I loaded the dogs into the back of the Ranger and went for a ride looking for places to use my new camera. I have probably 1000 pictures of the Rainbow Bridge in Folsom. Basically because it's really close to the house and I like the water/bridge/bird/kayaker combo. I also have probably 1000 pictures of Rachelle, Bo and Lucy, too, but Rachelle doesn't like her picture posted (without serious editorial input) and the pictures of Bo and Lucy tend to be blurred because of all the shenanigans and constant motion. Look for more sunrise pictures this weekend. Unfortunately.

Shooting Report

2006-09-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

Turns out the whole shooting thing was really bad for the driver. Guy didn't make it and I'm looking at the car on TV to see if it belongs to one of the neighbors I actually know. I really hope it's not the old guy who does his yardwork in his underwear. The whole "doing yardwork in his underwear" is a bit strange, but he's a nice guy. Can't tell based on what I've seen so far. Apparently, the story is the kid was playing with a loaded gun in the house and it went off, hitting the guy as he drove by. How friggin' unlucky is that? What are the odds? If I hadn't stopped off at home to let the dogs out before I went to the post office, I would have been driving by at the time the gun went off. Damn glad I've got dogs.

"GET BACK IN YOUR HOMES..."

2006-09-27T18:40:00.000-07:00

"GET BACK IN YOUR HOMES..."
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

That's what the Sheriff's helicopter was shouting out to the dumb-asses in the neighborhood who were watching the armed stand-off. Fortunately, I was already back home after having taken my pictures and was no longer part of the dumb-ass crowd. I had been 10 minutes earlier, but now I can take the moral high-ground. DUMB-ASSES! LOOKIE-LOOS! GET BACK INSIDE AND GUARD YOUR METH LABS!

Breaking news is that the kid shot a passing motorist by mistake. No word on the status of the driver, but it might not be good. Older guy just driving by. Bummer. Really bad news for the kid, too.

Orangevale S.W.A.T.

2006-09-27T17:26:00.000-07:00

Orangevale S.W.A.T.
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So I'm heading to the post office to cancel my mail-hold and I get turned away at a police barricade. Not sure what's happening, but this particular cop (in shorts) had his riot gun pointed toward a house on the corner. Two blocks from my house. Probably really good for property values. This picture was actually taken on my second trip down the block. I tried to get a picture with my phone, but I needed a longer lens. Back home for my digital SLR. Now the helicopter's circling overhead telling everbody to get back in their houses and lock the doors.

UPDATE: Just getting word via KCRA Channel 3 that S.W.A.T. has taken a 14-year-old into custody for an "accidental discharge of a weapon" and the wounding of a motorist. Yikes! I was two minutes from driving past there. More later as additional details emerge. Film at 11:00

Boot-Scootin' in K.C.

2006-09-19T19:19:00.001-07:00

Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

OK, so this picture shows both the good and the (very) bad of midwest living. The good part is that it doesn't seem as if restaurants are afraid of being too politically incorrect. My first clue that I was in K.C. and not Sacramento was the waitresses in the low-cut, ass-huggin' jeans and the midriff-baring halter tops. My second clue was when my waitress came up and said, "HI! I'm going to be your whiskey-girl tonight!". Damn, I've never had my very own whiskey-girl. Food was so-so, but I was grubbin' down on my burger and fries when some guy called the whiskey-girls to the dance floor. Apparently, they get together every 20 minutes or so to shake and jiggle around to a bad mix of country and AC/DC. My whiskey-girl was supposed to be getting my Mason jar full of beer, but I was cool with waiting.

An example of the bad part of midwest living is the dude in the blue shirt. Waaaaay too many trips to "Toby Keith's I (heart) This Bar & Grill". Sad part is, of the four guys at the table, he's the one to most likely be called "Slim".

Anyway, I hope they serve breakfast.

Panama Canal Zone

2006-09-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

Panama Canal Zone
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

OK, Rachelle doesn't seem to like this picture, but this is my favorite picture from Panama. It's a cargo ship passing under the Bridge of the Americas (just through the Panama Canal) at sunset. The ship looks blurry because I had to use the "bulb" setting to get the picture, but I like it. And we were sitting on the patio at T.G.I. Friday's. That's the sad part.

Graduation Night

2006-09-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

Graduation Night
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So, I'm not sure at what point exactly you cross that line between being a normal pet owner and when you become the weird couple down the street who treats their pets like their kids. I don't know, but I believe we are well past that point. Lucy graduated from puppy class a couple of weeks ago. Now she has a diploma. Rachelle has a diploma. Bo and I are un-educated losers. We prefer to tell people we graduated from the school of hard knocks. Fraternity: Beta Geta Job. Anyway, I'm not putting too much stock in Lucy's "diploma". The instructor said that getting your certificate from puppy class was pretty much like graduating from kindergarten. Everybody gets out. Even the dopey, barky yellow lab who took a ginormous dump in the middle of class and caused us to get out early got a certificate. Kind of like graduating from Walden College. At least we've got something for her baby book. Not really. We're not that crazy.

Bare Naked in Panama

2006-08-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

Rachelle and I are starting our second full day in Panama City. We hired a driver/guide yesterday to drive us around the city. We were actually just looking for a taxi to the Panama Canal, but this guy was waiting outside the hotel looking for tourists. We probably could have gotten a cab for quite a bit cheaper, but we saw a whole lot more with this guy. Considering we don't speak a whole lot of Spanish (read,yes; speak, not much), we probably wouldn't have considered going around the armed Panamanian guards at the Presidential Palace. Turns out you can walk right up to the place. Pretty cool. I'll post pictures when we get back. The guy hauled us around for 5 hours and charged us $40. Like I said, we probably overpaid, but it was definitely worth it. The only bad part about yesterday was the cool brew pub across the street was closed because it was Sunday. At least we hope it was closed because it was Sunday. It was the first place we went when we got in Saturday night and it was great. The beer was marginal, but the atmosphere rocked. And I was able to get a bottle of Cuban beer. FYI, Bucanero Fuerte tastes a lot like Budweiser. More later. Rachelle wants to do some "vacationing".

Lucy & Rawhide

2006-07-30T16:36:00.000-07:00

Lucy & Rawhide
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Lucy continues to grow. We've found, after many long, loud afternoons, that if you give both of the dogs a rawhide they'll shut the hell up. Probably not a good parenting tool, but there are times that Rachelle and I would actually like to talk to each other. Or watch another episode of "House Hunters". We've now been to three puppy classes. Lucy slept through the first one, cowered through the second one and finally decided at the third that it wasn't so bad. What changed her mind seemed to be the treats that teacher Julie hands out. Lucy was hiding under the chair until Julie started training one of the other dogs and was rewarding her with treats. That got Lucy's attention. She was much more involved in puppy class after that. I still wouldn't say she's a stellar pupil, but she's pretty good. MUCH better than the lab who took a huge dump towards the end of class #2. We were dismissed a little early that night. Glad it wasn't our dog.

Birthday Gift

2006-07-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

Birthday Gift
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So I'm really excited that my second birthday gift from Rachelle came today. It's such a cool, useful gift that it was on back-order. No, it's not the PowerBook. She got me a USB-powered drink cooler. It's like a coaster that you plug into your USB port and it keeps your drink cold. The instructions show you putting a soda on it, but we all know what these things were really made for. Beer. Or a gin/vodka drink of some sort. Maybe something with an umbrella. Now I can always have an icy-cold beverage next to my computer as I spend hours searching for internet porn. (OK, it doesn't take hours to find internet porn, but it takes a while to find the good stuff.) I'll keep you updated on how it works, but so far I'm diggin' it.

I do have a restaurant review this week. Rachelle and I went to the Gold Miner Cafe in Folsom. Tiny, weird place, but the food rocks. And the portions are ginormous. I got the Lumberjack Special, which was 2 pancakes bigger than my head, 2 pieces of bacon, 2 pieces of sausage, 2 pieces of ham and 2 eggs. I know it sounds like it might be too much, but it was quite tasty. The line runs out the door, but it moves fast. We actually walked in and were offered what apparently is a very unpopular table because everybody else was waiting for something better. Worked fine for us and we didn't have to wait. Suckers.

Scary Dog?

2006-07-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

Scary Dog?
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Lucy can look a little scary, but she's really just enjoying a belly-rub. She's getting HUGE. Fourteen weeks as of yesterday (earlier versions of this blog said 14 months) and she weighs in at 23.6 pounds. Bo's seven or eight years old and he's only 36 pounds. I see some great games of "rope" in the near future.

Patio (Almost) Done

2006-06-23T15:16:00.000-07:00

Patio (Almost) Done
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

The almost finished patio just makes the rest of the house/yard look like crap, but I think I'm going to like having the extra space. I still can't walk on it until at least tomorrow or Sunday, and we haven't given the contractor his final check, but things are looking good. As long as he puts the gate back up. Not sure why it had to come down. Must be a concrete thing. I hope it doesn't kill my beautiful landscaping when I hose off the rock-salt finish.

Patio

2006-06-20T12:54:00.000-07:00

Patio
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Looks better already. I went home at lunch to let Lucy out and I got to see the progress. Most of the existing crap-ass patio is gone, the mound of dirt/dog turds is much flatter (soon to be gone, too) and new concrete has been ordered for Friday delivery. So far, so good. Stay tuned.

Patio: Day "Minus 1"

2006-06-19T21:46:00.000-07:00

Patio: Day Minus 1
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

We just signed a contract to have our crap-ass patio ripped out and approximately 700 square feet of new concrete poured. Kind of scary considering that's more than half the square footage of our actual house. In theory, the contractor is going to be here at 7:00 tomorrow morning to start the demo. I'm hopeful. With any luck there will be some post-demo pictures tomorrow night. The guy told us he should be able to rip out the old patio, form the new slab and pour the entire thing by Friday. My only concern (aside from the dude taking my $500 deposit and blowing it in Reno) is that all that concrete will be seriously friggin' hot. The five day forecast for Sacramento this week shows today being the coolest at 94. We're looking for 103-105 for the rest of the week. Could make the concrete harden really quick. Glad I'm not actually pouring it. I'll be working up a sweat just thinking about it from my air-conditioned cube. Check back for updates and/or rants about great/worthless contractors.

Proud Mom

2006-06-15T18:44:00.000-07:00

Ro & Lucy
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

She's getting big. Lucy, not Rachelle. We're pretty happy that she's sleeping through the night now, too. LOTS more peaceful knowing that you don't have to get up in the middle of the night to let her out. I'd always hated the idea of crate-training a dog because it seems so mean. That was before I got a puppy who takes my flip-flops and "plays" with them (more like "chews" with them). We give her a treat when we put her in the crate at night and she doesn't seem to mind a bit. There will be times that we're looking for her and she's in the laundry room looking up at her treats and moving in and out of the crate in hopes of getting one. Sad. But cute. It's also a reminder that we now have a dog that can see. We are so used to Bo not being able to see where his food and/or treats are. No such luck with Lucy.

Rock On!

2006-06-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

Rock On!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I know I haven't posted for a while, but having a puppy is a lot like having a baby. Except you can't put diapers on a puppy. On the flip side, you can't put a baby in a crate if she's being naughty. Ok, you can, but CPS will come knocking if anybody reports you. Anyway, Rachelle and I went to a free outdoor concert in El Dorado Hills. An Eagle's tribute band. Actually pretty good. Could be the wine, but I'm enjoying it.

Lucy, I'm Home!

2006-05-27T16:55:00.000-07:00

Lucy, I'm Home!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

After much consideration, and the purchase of "Puppies for Dummies", Rachelle and I brought Lucy home today. Her mother is a "small" Great Dane (110 lbs.) and her dad is a medium-sized chocolate lab (80 lbs.). Lucy was the smallest female in the litter, so I'm really hoping that she maxes out at 90ish pounds. That's about 55 pounds heavier than Bo. He'd better be nice to her while she's still small. So far, he's been doing a lot of barking and she's been doing a lot of ignoring him. And sleeping. Got to go. I need to re-read the chapter on house-breaking. That's a VERY important chapter.

Lucy?

2006-05-25T20:35:00.000-07:00

Lucy?
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

One step closer to getting a "friend" for Bo. I'm not sure he's really looking for a friend, but these puppies are almost too cute to pass up. We'll see how it all shakes out. Puppies are a lot of work, but they're a hell of a lot of fun, too. We might give one a test-drive this weekend to see how Bo deals with a new addition. There go my new hard-wood floors.

Bay to Breakers: 2006

2006-05-24T19:18:00.000-07:00

Bay to Breakers: 2006
Originally uploaded by klycolllins

I think this is my favorite picture from this year's Bay to Breakers in San Francisco. You've got to admire a man who can run 7.75 miles in a sheer skirt, ruffled shirt and Mardi Gras beads, all the while drinking screwdrivers out of a gallon jug. I'm not sure if I'm more confused by this guy who was actually part of the race or the dude with the red boots who is just watching. It is San Francisco, so he may have actually just been walking home and saw a race going on.

(Almost) Naked Elvis
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I was really glad to see the Elvis dancing on his balcony. He was actually wearing a jump-suit last year, but it's either at the cleaner's or he been spending some time at the gym and wanted to show off the new abs.

This is one of the races that I really actually enjoy every year. There are 65,000 people running it, so chances are good that I'm not going to finish dead last. Especially considering about 5,000 of those people are running either naked and/or drunk. I wasn't either of those this year. Maybe 2007 will be the "Year of Kelly" and I'll run naked. Maybe not. I get my race packet every year and it specifically says "NO NUDITY". Could be they just mean "NO NUDITY KELLY. NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT. KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON." In any case, Rachelle was nice enough to stay with me for the entire race and we finished in under 2 hours. Not a great time for a "runner", but rockin' for a fat, lazy, 36-year-old dude who usually only runs when it's treat day at the office and there are donuts in the break room. I'm really surprised that I could still walk come Monday.

Costco: Cradle to Grave...

2006-05-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

Costco: Cradle to Grave...
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Just one more entry in the "If it ain't at the Costco, I don't need it" file.

"LOST" in Orangevale?

2006-05-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

What The Hell?
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So I decided to finally (after 5 years) take out the clothes-line pole in the backyard. It looked like there was maybe a coffe can worth of concrete around the pole. How hard could it be? After about an hours worth of digging to find the edges, I ended up with a slab of concrete about three feet across and six inches deep. At this point Rachelle's asking if we found a hatch like in "LOST". I'm more hoping for a 60's era bomb shelter. Turns out it was just a huge slab of concrete holding in a very small pole. Not exactly the twenty minute project I was hoping for, but I was able to put my 200ish pounds behind my eight pound sledge hammer (I told Rachelle I had a reason for buying that thing!) and tore it up. About the time I pulled it out of the ground I started thinking that maybe it wasn't a clothes-line. Here's hoping it wasn't anything important.

Baseboards. Almost.

2006-05-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

Baseboards. Almost.
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I've been working on my new hardwood flooring since January and I'm finally to the "baseboard" stage. The floors have actually been done for months, but I'm just now getting around to the finishing touches. Rachelle told me I had 6 months to get the baseboards up. Tick-tock. I was really getting used to the look of the blue moisture barrier and pad. Kinda classy. Anyway, I decided to go with the 5-inch pre-primed composites. Looks good and really easy to work with. I figure I should have the entire project finished well within my deadline. Hey, it's May already, isn't it? Crap.

It's nice to see somebody other than Rachelle reads my blog. I'm not truly sure she "reads" it, but she skims it for anything that may cause her to re-think the whole "marriage" thing. Anyway, somebody saw my post about our soon-to-be-indicted Congressman John Doolittle and sent in a comment. Apparently, I'm not the only one in my district who would like to see the dude spending his campaign contributions on a legal defense fund instead of a congressional campaign. There's a "Dump Doolittle" blog that has articles about hookers, ethics investigations, links to some snarky political blogs (nice!) and links to all of his competitors web pages. My heart (and vote) still belongs to Charlie Brown, but I'm willing to keep my options open. SIX MORE MONTHS, SIX MORE MONTHS...

I'm Super Fast! (Not Really)

2006-05-08T19:20:00.000-07:00

fair oaks chickens
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Once again, I agreed to participate in the 5 mile Fair Oaks Fiesta Sun Run. It sounds like a great idea every year before the race and sounds like a much less good idea the day of and/or after the race. Considering I run maybe once or twice over the course of a given year, I'm pretty happy I even finished, much less in under an hour (59:40). I really need to find another age group, though. Either that or I need to start actively recruiting fat, slow 35-39 year old dudes to run the race. On the plus side, Rachelle gave me her ham & eggs at the pancake feed after the "race". Score!

I had a message on the machine when I got home today from Charlie Brown asking me to vote for him for Congress. Turns out it's not actually a joke. Lt. Colonel Charlie Brown (USAF, ret.) is running against our current Congressman, John Doolittle. For those of you not familiar with Rep. Doolittle, he took buckets of money from Jack Abramoff, was/is really close to Tom DeLay and his wife skims a little off the top of every campaign "contribution" (for a little Soprano-ish twist to campaigning). Basically, an incumbent congressional representative. I figure Colonel Charlie could break into my house, rifle through my wallet, take the last beer from the 'fridge, tickle my ass with a feather and he'd still probably get my vote. The ass-tickling thing might be a little weird, but I'd be willing to let it slide if he promises to steal less than the current administration. I'm not sure what he stands for yet, but he's at least different. You've got my vote, Charlie.

Seis de Mayo

2006-05-06T09:38:00.000-07:00

Seis de Mayo
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Rachelle and I caught a Rivercats game with Ken and Shelly last night. We didn't get there early enough for the free sombreros. Damn. Shelly had somehow scored tickets in the Solon Club (kind of like the "Champagne Room" at Scores; very exclusive). Rivercats games are always a good time, and the Dinger Dogs rock, but the $9 beers are kind of a drag. Really helps keep you sober. Fortunately, Ken and I had started the evening at Q'bole in Folsom. An extremely authentic Mexican restaurant/bar filled with extremely caucasian patrons. Lots of big hair and cleavage. And tattoos. I never thought I'd have to say this, but quite a lot of the cleavage was very disturbing. I'd have to say I was quite impressed with some of the younger crowd, though. The younger people haven't quite learned the concept of "pacing yourself" and Ken and I were trying to guess which ones would actually be "awake" at sundown. We had to leave for the game, but I'm pretty sure the chick who downed a shot at the bar and killed off half her margarita before the bartender came back with her change was probably sleeping in the back seat of somebody's car by 9:00.

Finally, I'd like to thank my neighbors for starting their landscape remodel at 7:30 this morning. We woke to the gentle rumble and high-pitched beeping of a Bobcat ripping up concrete. Happy Saturday morning! I'm thinking about setting my alarm for 3:00am and weed-whacking my fence right next to their bedroom window. Or I could just start the mower, leave it there and go back to bed. It'll run out of gas eventually. BASTARDS!

FOLLOW UP: I met my neighbor when I went over to get the card of the guy grading the yard and he seems like a nice guy. I take back the nasty things I said about the early start to the yard work. We needed to get up anyway.

Bad Neighborhood

2006-05-05T16:50:00.000-07:00

Bad Neighborhood
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So if things weren't bad enough with the rattlesnakes, Ken's bobcat and the wild turkeys on the trail (the turkeys can be surprisingly scary; they're fast little buggers), I have to see these signs plastered all over the place. I actually came home with a tick stuck to my leg on Wednesday, but he wasn't strong enough to make it through the hair on my legs to get a good meal. Poor little guy. I did save him for Rachelle to look at, though. She didn't like it so much, so I had to flush him. I'm pretty sure this is going to give me a great excuse to quit working out on the trail. Sweet!

Rattlesnake Training

2006-05-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

Below is an actual e-mail Rachelle got at work today. I'm not sure California is such a great place. I really like the advice about walking with a co-worker and making sure to keep "at a very safe distance" if you see a rattlesnake. I'd be keeping a very safe distance. I'd be distantly in my car heading to a safer place, i.e., Iowa. I made the mistake of reading this damn e-mail before I hit the trail today for a bike ride. Every little rustle in the bushes and I was scootin' off the other way. All I actually saw were about 40 wild turkeys, but they could have been snakes. Dangerous little bastards. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want Len's job. Also good advice about remaining calm if you get bitten. I'll make sure to remember that.

From: Xxxxxx, Xxx
Sent: Wednesday, May 03, 2006 1:33 PM
To: All
Subject: Rattlesnake Awareness/ALERT
Importance: High

Len Ramirez of Ramirez Rattlesnake Removal visited our campus today to educate us here at Blue Shield on rattlesnakes and the danger they bring to the El Dorado Hills Campus. Len has already removed 3 rattlesnakes from our campus this year .

Please help me help you to prevent any episodes of rattlesnake bites to us here on our campus. Below I have mentioned a few ways to bring caution ideas to you for the work place and your home.

WORK:
When you're outdoors, two people walking together are better than one. Look at your surroundings around your feet and up ahead. If, you or your colleague see a rattlesnake, one needs to keep an eye on it (at a very safe distance) and the other needs to contact security immediately. This will help security to contact Len and give him an idea where to begin his work.

Rattlesnake Havens:
Rocks are a number one source for rattlesnakes. So the next time you decide to cut corners by walking on the rocks or making shortcuts through the bark, remember, the rattlesnake is making his shortcuts too and you could be his next victim. Rattlesnakes are deaf to airborne sound but have an 18" good eyesight.

Cars: Rattlesnakes could be hovering under your car in the shade. Len has removed them from car radiators before as well (not from cars on our campus). So proceed with caution when going to lunch or leaving from work.

HOME:
Poison Oak, retaining walls & of course rocks are a snakes haven. They also can come in through your garage or door entry. Here's just a few pre-cautions you can take to prevent this.

Keep your landscaping thin, not overcrowded. Especially around the garage and the front door.
Check your garage door for gaps. If you shut your garage door and can see light on either side, seal it with weather-stripping or necessary action to remove the light.
New developments are another source of rattlesnakes because their dens have been interrupted.

DOGS:
Pets are not an exception. Red Rock Biologics is a good source to inquire how you can vaccinate your dog against fatal rattlesnake bites. (sorry, no vaccine for cats yet) Check out their website for more information at www.redrockbiologics.com
For more information on rattlesnakes & service, visit Len's website at www.ramirezrattlesnakeremoval.com

Please remember, rattlesnakes have the capability of striking at one twenty-fifth of a second. Thanks for listening and please be safe this summer season.

Len tells us if you are bitten by a rattlesnake; anywhere. Please keep calm as much as possible (the faster the adrenaline, the faster the poison will travel to the heart), keep the bite area below the heart. If alone, walk, do not run to receive help.

Utah: Part II

2006-05-02T16:22:00.000-07:00

Utah: Part II
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Rachelle and I went to Salt Lake City a couple weekends ago to help my dad and his wife move to their new house. Regardless of what you think of the bizarre liquor laws in Utah (I happen to think they're complete crap, but more on that later), the place is beautiful. We got so much done on Friday (before Rachelle arrived) that we decided to take the scenic drive up to Sundance on Saturday. We went from the nice, warm, sunny weather in the valley to the nice, warm, sunny weather in the mountains. The only difference seemed to be the snow. And the avalanche warnings. Skiing is definitely over for the season, but there was still enough snow on the slopes to get a good idea of what it looks like in season. What it looks like is "SCARY". I prefer my ski slopes with a much more gradual grade. Much, much more gradual. Like a parking lot. The steep hills are a little scary when they're covered with snow, but I'm willing to hike a good ways for a decent picture. Rachelle, Dad and Sheila stayed safely below while I hiked up to Bridal Falls. Probably a good call. Toasty warm and a long way down if I slipped. Sadly, the one thing running through my mind as I'm picking my way carefully down the hill was, "Man, I hope I don't fall and wreck my Treo".

Getting back to the strange liquor laws, the one thing I did learn on this trip was that you can't get an IPA before noon on Sunday. Not that I would normally order an IPA before noon (at least during the week), but I do like to keep my options open. Given the general dislike for alcohol among the local population, I was pleasantly surprised that SLC had even one good brew-pub. Turns out the other brew-pub downtown is just as good. We hit the Red Rock Brewing Company for dinner before Rachelle and I headed to the airport for our flight home. I kind of wish we had gotten there earlier, because I wasn't able to work my way through the entire beer menu. Next trip. For anybody in the area looking for a good mini-pizza and tasty brew, Red Rock gets a Kelly-rating of 4 pints out of 5.

Finally, I know this story is a couple of weeks old, but I'm really curious to learn more about the case of the old man in Florida who was going door-to-door offering free breast exams. What amazes me more than the guy actually doing this is the fact that there were several women who believed him. I can't even imagine who would think that could be a good idea. "Hmmm, I've been meaning to get a breast exam, but I just haven't had the time. How convenient that somebody will come uninvited to my door to check me out." I've got to tell you, if a creepy looking dude ever comes to my door saying he's a doctor and is offering free prostate exams, I'm gonna ask for some I.D. LOTS AND LOTS OF I.D.

... And I Have a LITTLE Truck!

2006-05-01T14:36:00.000-07:00

... And I have a LITTLE Truck!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Good God, gas is expensive! I was watching the little numbers spin by as I filled up this weekend and was starting to worry that I might have to start turning tricks in the AM/PM parking lot to settle my tab. And that could take a while (the fat, bald dude ho' is more of a "niche" market). I was actually thinking about trading the Ranger in on something a little more comfortable, but I think I'll stick with my 25mpg sweat-box for a little while longer.

The first sure signs of Spring have finally appeared in Orangevale. In some places you look for the first robin. In others, the first tiny buds on the trees. In Orangevale, you know Spring is truly here when the old guy at the end of the block is doing yard-work in his tidy-whities. We also saw a chick mowing her lawn in a bikini Saturday, but the old dude is ALWAYS out in his underwear. Got to give him credit, though. He's in great shape for 70+. I figure I've got to hit at least 60 before I can start wandering the neighborhood in my skivvies.

Puppy for Bo?

2006-04-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

Puppy for Bo?
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

One of Rachelle's co-workers has a batch of brand new puppies. The father is a Chocolate Lab and the mother is a Great Dane. These are going to be some "interesting" looking dogs. I'm in the process of trying to talk Rachelle into getting a friend for Bo. Sadly, I'm thinking it might be easier to get Rachelle to agree to a puppy than it will be to convince Bo. He's not really cool with other dogs, and I can't imagine he'd dig a puppy that could interfere with his nap time. FYI, "nap time" is basically the 23.5 hours a day that aren't breakfast, dinner or treat time. I know puppies are a huge pain, and I just spent a lot of time and effort putting in new flooring, but they're so damn cute! Maybe. There are twelve to choose from. Maybe we can find one that Bo and Rachelle both like.

CHiPs

2006-04-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

CHiPs
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Had a meeting downtown today and it was actually nice enough to wander around during lunch. I moseyed on over to the Capitol to see if I could catch Governor Arnold speechifyin' on the steps, but no such luck. Aside from two of the CHP's finest, all I saw were dozens of people enjoying the clear skies. For those of you not fortunate (?) enough to live in California, you might be surprised to hear that we are used to good weather. This year we're about ready to float away. I've got my kayaks tied up to the palm tree in my front yard just in case Rachelle, Bo and I need to make a break for it.

Open Mic Night

2006-04-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

Open Mic Night
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

The first Friday of the month is Open Mic Night at It's a Grind. Definitely a weird vibe, a freaky crowd and a diverse mix of talent. I've got to say that I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the music at a small coffee shop on a Friday night. Not a Phoebe in sight ("Smelly cat, smelly cat..."). The overall trend seemed to be that the chicks had decent voices but couldn't play guitar for crap, and the dudes could rock but they were somewhat tuneless vocally. My favorite was the Jesus-looking dude with the jailhouse tats on his knuckles. Not a great voice, but he could rock on the guitar. I'm trying to talk Rachelle into practicing our version of "When The Saints Come Marching In" for next month. I can play a mean harmonica and Rachelle can jam out on the acoustic guitar. OK, everything I play on the harmonica sounds exactly the same, but Rachelle can actually play something recognizable as a "song". It's a forgiving crowd.

Bulk Bees: Please, NO SAMPLING!

2006-04-02T17:10:00.000-07:00

Bulk Bees
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I've found a store I dislike almost as much as Wal-Mart. I say "almost" because they do have one thing I really do like. The bulk food aisle. I know what you're thinking, "Bulk-food is nasty and disgusting; a buffet with plastic bags and twisties". True, but WinCo has added a twist to the usual bulk crap. Honey that is being made while you wait.

Bulk Bees: NO SAMPLES
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Bitchin'! They've got live bees making honey inside the bulk bins. The only thing between you and a swarm of angry bees is a redneck with a screwdriver (and since it's WinCo, you're never more than 5 feet from an authentic Orangevale redneck). Adds a little thrill of the hunt to grocery shopping. I especially like the warning signs on the front. Pretty much a challenge to said rednecks. Other than the bees and the walk-in beer cooler, I'd have to say I'm not impressed with the WinCo. Narrow aisles, confusing layout and way too many freaky people. It's kind of like going to the fair, but you can go every day. 24-hours a day. Seven days a week. Truly scary. I'll let you know how the honey tastes.

Sunny SoCal

2006-03-28T18:56:00.000-08:00

Sunny SoCal
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

My flight to Orange County was delayed, putting me in L.A. at 4:30pm. For those of you unfamiliar with L.A. traffic, it's never really good. At 4:30, it's really, really bad. At 4:30 and in the pouring rain, it truly blows. Two hours from John Wayne to my hotel in Buena Park. Usually takes me about 30 minutes. At least the beers in the lounge are poured in liters. Cheers!

Final Four, Baby!

2006-03-27T18:52:00.000-08:00

Final Four, Baby!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

OK, so I "went" to George Mason for a short time in the late 80's. Didn't get a lot of so-called "credits", but I do have lots of good memories. OK, not "lots", but I do remember living in the temporary dorms on top of the hill. Patriot Village. They were trailers. Double-wides. With skirts. Sweet! Anyway, those were the good ol' days. I had hair, weighed a buck fifty and had no idea I was such a loser. Shocking, considering what I looked like. You would have thought I was well aware that I was a true loser. Nope. Eighteen years later and things are much better. I'm bald, fat and I am uncomfortably aware of my loser-ness. And I couldn't care less. Go Patriots!

I Need AAA

2006-03-25T17:33:00.000-08:00

I Need AAA
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So I'm cruising down the freeway at about 70 miles an hour when I notice a slight wobble in the Ranger. After cutting across three lanes of traffic (also cruising at 70 mph), I'm finally able to pull over to the shoulder to find out that the tire was 100% friggin' flat. Time to pull out the owner's manual and figure out where the spare is (answer: it's under the bed hanging from a wire cable). Cool. Now how do you get it out? Back to the owner's manual. Twenty minutes and a lot of swearing later, Rachelle and I were on our way. I've got to give Ford some credit here. I drive a bare-bones Ranger: courier white, vinyl seats, 5-speed manual, AM/FM radio, no floor mats. The only "frill" I have is air-conditioning. That said, I have a full-size spare tire. With air. Sweet!

'Bama Grub

2006-03-23T22:10:00.000-08:00

'Bama Grub
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Since I'm a cheap-ass bastard, and because the airlines make no sense, I flew into Birmingham and drove to Atlanta for my fantasy baseball draft. Heading back after a long weekend of drinking beer, eating pizza and drafting demoted/deported/traded players, I needed a place to re-fuel. Fortunately, the Magic City Grille was just the place. $6.99 got me an all-you-can-eat Southern meal. Everything in the South seems to be made with butter. And bacon grease. I could never, never live there, but I could make a couple trips a month for breakfast/lunch/dinner. Tasty!

Tiger Collins

2006-03-18T13:48:00.000-08:00

Tiger Collins
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

This is one of the many, many sand traps I hit playing 18 holes at Stone Mountain in Georgia. It was an ugly 18, but a beautiful course. I was in a group with Shrek, Elan and Ron, so I wasn't necessarily the worst golfer on the course. It was at least a tie. Golfing also gave me a chance to walk off some of the Waffle House breakfast. Sadly, we had Waffle House again last night/this morning. Almost got in a fight with somebody who cut in line and grabbed a table we were waiting for. Word of advice: don't get between eight fat men and their grits. You would be amazed at the number of people waiting at the Waffle House at 3:00am. There was a good 20 minute wait for a table, but well worth it. There were also some "interesting" characters next to us. I'm not 100% sure, but I'm pretty sure the guy in the white suite and the table full of skanky looking chicks may have been a pimp. Maybe not, but I remember Huggy Bear and this guy was a dead ringer.

Waffle House - Atlanta

2006-03-17T07:44:00.000-08:00

Waffle House - Atlanta
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Post-bar "breakfast" at the Waffle House. I'm feeling sick just looking at it. From left to right: eggs, toast, grits (with butter and sugar), waffle, sausage/hashbrowns. Tasty.

Roseville Rodeo

2006-03-13T14:14:00.000-08:00

Roseville Rodeo
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Strange things afoot at the Circle "S". Ken and I were waiting in line for an after-lunch Starbucks when we looked down and noticed spurs. It's not every day you see a chick wearing spurs, much less in Starbucks. Although, if I was in charge of life's central casting/wardrobe, it would have been a really hot chick in a short plaid skirt and the boots wouldn't be caked in horse crap. And she might have turned to me and said how hot she thinks fat, old, bald dudes are. Instead, she was kinda butch and (thankfully) didn't turn around to talk to me. I'm pretty sure she could have kicked my ass, with or without spurs.

United Sucks. Still.

2006-03-10T21:10:00.000-08:00

United Sucks. Still.
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

Seriously. United has to be one of the worst run airlines in the U.S. I had a message on my phone this morning from corporate travel telling me United had decided to cancel my 8:00pm flight from Denver to Sacramento. They said they couldn't get a crew in to fly the plane. You're telling me they couldn't get a crew in Denver (one of their major hubs) in 12 hours? Worthless. I hope they do go bankrupt. Any airline that can't manage to get you where you're supposed to be going on at least the same day as you're supposed to be there doesn't deserve to stay in business. I wouldn't be so upset if this didn't happen every time I fly United. OK, I'd still be pissed, but I wouldn't feel as justified. Here's hoping I don't get stuck in Denver for as long as the last time United screwed me (3 days). Bastards are getting another angry letter.

UPDATE: United's still not on my "nice" list, but they (so far) are getting me home tonight. Kind of. They managed to get me on a US Airways flight through Phoenix that should get me in at 11:56. Technically, I guess that's still "today".

Snowbound

2006-03-09T20:16:00.000-08:00

Snowbound
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I'm in Steamboat Springs, Colorado this week. Beautiful place, but it's friggin' cold. I went in for dinner and came back out 30 minutes later and I had to scrape 2-3 inches of snow off my rental Ford. On the plus side, I'm getting good use out of my Gore-Tex and fleece. Anyway, I'm on my way back to the hotel (bitchin' La Quinta) and I see this place. Damn, I wish California was this civilized. It's such a huge pain in the ass actually getting out of my truck when I need to pick up some liquor. Unfortunately, I had already picked up some beer, Pringles and Hot Tamales. Dinner o' champions.

LASIK

2006-03-01T16:42:00.000-08:00

LASIK
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I had LASIK done this afteroon. Not too bad, overall. Things are still a little blurry, but the doc said it should clear up as the blah, blah, blah. I kind of lost track of what she was saying because the Ativan had started to kick in (who'da thunk such a tiny little pill could make you so woozy). Anyway, Rachelle was busily taking notes so I should be fine. As one extra-special bonus, they threw in a pair of shades to put over the plastic things they taped to my face. This picture doesn't capture the true loserness of the situation, but I wanted to have something showing the immediate aftermath. No blood, no drool. I was a little bummed that Rachelle got to watch and I didn't even get a video. That shit would have made the blog! I'll post better pictures later tonight.

Vegas: Final Night

2006-02-23T23:12:00.000-08:00

Vegas: Final Night
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

My last night in Vegas. I'm seriously ready to go home. I can only take so many Fremont Street Experience shows. And I think I've had enough buffets, cheap drinks and mullets to last me a good, long while. Seriously, I didn't realize so many dudes still considered a mullet a "good" look. Walking around down here is like walking through every episode of COPS from 1987-1995. I was pretty sure the first guy I saw sporting the look was going for some kind of weird hipster/ironic look. I've since changed my mind. He was just groovin' on the party-in-the-back attitude. Damn, those boys sure are proud of their bad hair! Of course, they actually have hair. Bastards.

Time to log off for the night. The 11:00 show is getting started and I'd hate to miss my second to last 80's medley. Party on, dudes.

Day 3: Vegas Getting Old

2006-02-23T00:57:00.000-08:00

Day 3: Vegas Getting Old
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So I've been here since Sunday, and things are getting a little strange. I did my workshop today (blah, blah, blah) and we decided to leave downtown behind and hit the Strip. Different friggin' worlds. Seriously. Downtown is a much more mellow crowd. Lots noisier, more chances somebody will do something stupid and not get "arrested". The Strip has more "rules". Anyway, we were gambling, i.e., "drinking" at Caesar's and I saw this sign outside the Celine Deion theater. I thought it was a little ironic that weapons were specifically not allowed in the theater. I don't know if that's so you don't shoot Celine or you don't shoot yourself. Either way, your pain is over.

Vegas: Day 2

2006-02-20T22:28:00.000-08:00

Vegas: Day 2
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

As many times as I've been to Vegas, I never quite get over how un-subtle the place is. Just in case you're not sure what they mean by "Discount Liquor", they put up the "BOOZE" sign. Sweet. FYI - Think twice (or three or four times) about staying at one of the downtown hotels. The Fremont Street Experience goes off every half hour. Lots of loud 80's music until midnight. Listening to a Madonna/Cyndi Lauper combo right now. Rockin' tunes.

Vegas, Baby!

2006-02-19T22:57:00.000-08:00

Vegas, Baby!
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

I've been in Vegas for two hours and I'm already down $1.40. I'd probably be down more, but I couldn't get a seat at one of the penny slots. If you've ever spent much time in Vegas you should recognize by the picture that I'm staying downtown. Downtown ain't the flashy Vegas you see in Ocean's 11 (Rat-pack or re-make). It's more the Vegas you see in CSI. The body-in-the-alley-in-a-skeevy-part-of-town part of CSI (ironic, but I'm hearing multiple police sirens as I write this). The silver lining is the $1 beers. And the Topless Girls of Glitter Gulch.

There should be more updates tomorrow. Thanks to the half-ass service of Showtime Shuttles (don't EVER take those bastards if you come to Vegas), it was late when I got in and I have to work in the morning. A cold beer on top of my country fried steak and eggs makes Kelly a sleepy boy. Hasta.

Decaying Orbit

2006-02-17T15:23:00.000-08:00

Decaying Orbit
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

After 44 years, the Orangevale Orbit will soon be gone, replaced by a sparkly new Chevron. Screw Chevron. I've got to say, this is one of my favorite buildings in Sacramento. This gas station was built back in the early days of the space program, JFK was going to put a man on the moon before the end of the decade, "The Jetson's" were in their first season and personal jet-packs would be on the showroom floors within a few years. OK, that last one didn't happen, but I still dig the design. Tell me how an old, concrete building with a wing-like roof can't be some sort of historical landmark. The sneaky bastards didn't even release the news to the "Mainstream Media". I had to read about the "project" in the weekly Orangevale News. I'm smelling cover-up here. I'm going to have to keep a really close eye on Orangevale Feed next door. I'll be out front with a picket sign if they try to get rid of Socks. As long as it's not summer then. It gets really hot in Sacramento.

Moving on to what I did read in the real newspaper today, I think I'm truly in the wrong business. I've been with the same company for 16 years, and I get 4 weeks of vacation a year and 6 sick/personal days. Not great, but pretty standard. Then I read an article on cnn.com about the benefits al Qaeda operatives get. Married dudes (no chicks in al Qaeda; apparently not an "equal opportunity employer") get 7 days of vacation a month (single guys get 5 days a month) and 15 sick days a year. First thing I thought (shortly after "al Qaeda's got benefits?!") was how mundane this actually sounds. When I think of al Qaeda, I'm picturing guys hunkered down in caves, scratching out crude plans and diagrams in the dirt. What I'm NOT thinking about is guys with vacation and sick days. Weird. Still, not exactly a job I think I'd enjoy. Too much "blowing shit up" and "getting killed". Not a lot of that happening in my office. Besides, they didn't say anything about a 401(k).

People Are Idiots

2006-02-15T18:46:00.000-08:00

I just read an article that said 20% of Americans think their calls have been monitored by the government. Who the hell are these cocky bastards? I wish somebody would listen to me. I post to my blog on a semi-regular basis and I'm pretty sure I have a readership of about six. And I'm counting myself. Hell, I'd be happy to post transcripts of all my telephone calls if I thought anybody'd be interested. Sample call:

KELLY: Hello?
RACHELLE: I'm on my way home. What's for dinner?
KELLY: Ummmm, meatloaf? We're out of beer.
RACHELLE: We've got wine.
KELLY: Cool. See you in a few minutes.
RACHELLE: 'Bye.

I've got more if Bush, Dick & Co. would be interested.

I'm absolutely NO fan of the current administration or their quasi-legal wiretapping program, but I don't believe most Americans have been intentionally singled out. There are roughly 300 million Americans, about 210 million over the age of 18 (I'm pulling out the youngsters because, based on what I heard at the mall last week, government interpreters wouldn't have the slightest idea what those dumb-asses were talking about). Figure 20% of the remaining people and you've still got 42 million people to monitor. Screw that. Even with smart NSA sniffers, somebody's got to go back in and listen to that crap. I would last about a week before I wigged out and climbed a clock tower.

That said, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that certain high-profile individuals with no ties to al Qaeda have had their calls, mail, e-mail, etc., intercepted. That's the whole idea behind a "slippery slope". Almost everybody would say that they are cool with listening in to "terrorists", but how far does that go? Is the ACLU a terrrorist organization? Bill O'Reilly seems to think so. People who aren't in lock-step with W. and his cronies are apparently not patriots and are just waiting to be invaded by the Commies/Islamo-facists/Mexicans (take your pick; I was channel-surfing on the way home from work and heard about the dangers of all three groups). Should their phone calls and mail be fair game? Maybe. Anyhoo, I'm pretty sure some of the people who are defending this program the most would be screaming the loudest if there were a Democrat in the White House. But it's possible I'm just cynical.

Enough of my ranting for now. Think I used enough key-words in this post to trip the NSA sniffers? I hope so. I'd hate to be part of the 80% of American losers who are not having their conversations monitored.

Shhhh! I'm hunting wabbits!

2006-02-13T19:16:00.000-08:00

PBR Me, ASAP (II)
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So, Dick finally shot somebody. That we know about. Call me crazy, but I'm guessing this ain't the first time something like this has happened. That "hunting trip" with Antonin Scalia right before the Supreme Court was going to rule for or against Cheney/Enron/Haliburton, et al, sounded suspiciously like Michael taking Fredo out on the boat for a "fishing trip". Say the wrong thing and it's, "Hey, Tony! Duck! (heh, heh, heh)". It's either really dark and evil (hey, it is Cheney), or he's just truly a piss-poor shot. If that's the case, I've got a looooong list of people I'd like him to take hunting next time. At least the guy he shot is a Republican. Something about Karma.

Moving on to the good-news/bad-news part of the program. Based on the aforementioned Mr. Cheney and his boss' fiscal policies, I'm getting a little worried about my financial future. Fortunately, the good people at Safeway are watching out for me. For two (2) weeks in a row, they've had 6-packs of PBR on sale for $3.50. In bottles! Sure, you can get a 12-pack of cans for $6.04 (a bargain), but it's cans. How low-class can you get? I prefer to swill my crap-ass beer out of a frosty bottle. After 4 or 5 it actually starts to taste beer-like. Almost.

Super Bowl Stripping?

2006-02-09T18:09:00.000-08:00

Super Bowl Stripping?
Originally uploaded by klycolllins.

So Ken and I went to the Powehouse in Folsom for the Super Bowl on Sunday. Place is a little weird, but they have the best TV of any sports bar I've ever been tanked in (and I've been tanked in PLENTY of sports bars all over the country). Half-time rolls around and I head inside to see if I've won the raffle (no). Suddenly, much to my dismay, the woman pulling the raffle numbers suddenly "loses" her top. I was shocked! So shocked that I wasn't able to get the camera on my Treo zoomed in for a better shot. I will be better prepared next year.